


In Passing

by DarkCellar



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Badass Rey, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Domestic Fluff, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Ending, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kissing, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Out of Character, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Kylo Ren, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Temporarily Unrequited Love, The First Order, The Last Jedi - Freeform, the knights of ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-10-22 05:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10690719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkCellar/pseuds/DarkCellar
Summary: Kylo Ren has finally done it, the task that his master set out for him so long ago: he has killed his father, Han Solo. Han's death, while a necessary part of Kylo cementing his turn towards the Dark Side, did not come without consequences. Starkiller base, the superweapon that the First Order has been working on for years, has been destroyed.And there's something else, something very unexpected:Kylo Ren has discovered a woman, small, resourceful, that possesses an unnatural strong ability to use the Force. As per his Master's request, he captures her, with intent to train her and enhance her gift, for their own purposes.But it quickly becomes apparent, that he has a lot more to learn from her, than she from him.





	1. Chapter 1

How was it possible, how was it REAL, that the events of an entire lifetime had all taken place within the space of a few days?

Ren sat quietly in a chair in the prisoner holding cell, asking himself this.

He could have just gone to his own quarters, but had decided against it. He felt he needed the silence, the indifferent energy of a 'neutral' room on board this ship, in order to clear his head.

Try as he might, he couldn't wrap his head around the magnitude of all that had happened, these last few days.

The Resistance, that loathesome band of self-righteous fools, commanded by none other than his mother. A General, now, apparently, not at all something that Ren should be surprised by. The woman always had been a brilliant strategist and a climber, using her intelligence, charm and experience garnered from the Galactic war to ascend through the ranks of any and all organizations she belonged to.

That small, formerly inconsequential contingent of fighters had managed to destroy their super weapon, taking Starkiller base, and a good deal of the First Order's men and personnel, along with it.

Aside from this major upheaval, Ren had experienced quite a different kind of shock.

He had discovered a girl, a small, resourceful girl, who exuded a startling amount of raw, undiscovered Force sensitivity. Snoke wanted the girl to be brought back to them, to have Ren train her in the Force and make her an asset to the First Order.

But the girl had been unwilling, to say the least.

Managing to overpower her and take her as a captive had not been an easy task, but it was one that Ren had been able to successfully accomplish.

He had had her brought to the Bacta tank a day ago, and ordered an update on her condition every few hours. The generators on the ship had been malfunctioning, due to several hits it had taken from enemy fire. As a result, what should have been a mere few hour jaunt into the Bacta was turning into a days-long ordeal.

But aside from that, aside from all of that, Ren had committed the single most significant act of his adult life. The act that was supposed to solidify his commitment to Snoke, to his teachings, and to the Dark side of the Force as a whole.

He had killed his father.

He sat here now, in the quiet, trying to make sense of his actions.

His biggest concern was not negative feelings, or regret, as maybe it should have been. Rather, it was an alarming apathy that clouded his brain in regard to the incident, rendering him unable to feel much at all. 

An uneasy, uncomfortable numbness.

"I killed my father," he said to himself out-loud, his words very loud in the quiet room. He was trying to speak the situation into reality, to make it a part of his conscious.

But again, he felt nothing.

"I murdered Han Solo," he said, louder this time.

Still, nothing.

But that word; murder. He hadn't murdered him, had he?

Snoke had told him that when his father finally confronted him, he wouldn't do it alone. He would come with others, and all of them would be focused solely on his, Ren's, death.

So in that regard, really, what Ren had done was self-defense.

But . . . it didn't really feel like that.

The girl, Rey, and the defective Stormtroopers HAD been on a high platform above them, both armed, and focused on him. But, looking back, that hadn't seemed like 'attack'; it had seemed uneasy defense, on their part.

The mighty Chewbacca, the Wookiee who had been Ren's 'uncle' in another life, has been there as well, his crossbow trained on him.

Thinking of the crossbow made him touch his side, which he had just managed to heal earlier that day. Chewie HAD shot him, but even then, that hadn't felt like an assault.

Chewie had just been reacting, reacting to his best friend's death.

The way Ren had 'reacted' to being accosted by his father.

Which had been . . . self-defense?

But Han had approached him calmly, and slowly. 

And weaponlessly.

And he had spoken to him, told him that he missed him, and wanted him to come home. That he would help him.

"Why couldn't you have said that five years ago, or ten?", Ren said, totally unaware that he had spoken out loud. "Where was your help when I was having the dreams? Where was it when Luke, LUKE, of all people, told me the truth about grandfather? That SHOULD have been you, and mother!"

All those years of helpless, hurting feelings.

Of thinking that, somehow, he was different. That he was meant for something beyond what he was learning from Luke.

Being shunned from his fellow classmates because THEY all knew; yes, THEY knew about his terrifying lineage far before his Uncle had decided to tell him.

He finally felt something now: anger.

Hot, choking, and hateful. Drowning him in its fiery wave.

"Wanted me to come home," he muttered, losing control of himself to the anger that was rising to his chest and spreading to his limbs, making them tremble in fury.

"COME HOME?!", he shrieked into the emptiness. 

He tore his lightsaber from his belt, igniting it and lashing out at the walls in fury.

Sparks flew and ricocheted off the steel. His body screamed in agony, still not fully recovered from the sore aftermath of it's injuries, but he couldn't stop.

It was a long time before he regained control of himself. By that time, the entire room had become a smoking, unrecognizable mess.

He stood in the middle of the destruction, chest heaving, and finally switched off his saber.

He sank to the floor with his head in his hands, sitting on his heels, trying to quiet the storm that was battering his mind.

"My Lord?", came a timid voice from the door.

"What is it?", he asked quietly, acknowledging the female Captain without raising his head.

"Sir, your presence is requested in Med Bay. There's been an incident with the prisoner."

"Has she escaped?!", Ren snapped at her, jerking his head up.

The woman jumped back several feet as he did so, alarm coloring her expression.

Ren could see why she had been the one chosen, to retrieve him. If a male had come in just now, more likely than not Ren would have cut his saber back on and sliced him up, for bringing him possibly unpleasant news. 

But with women, he was a bit more controlled.

Not by a lot.  
But enough.

"N-no, not exactly, my Lord. She is still in the room; however, she has . . . freed herself, from the Bacta tank."

He stood up at once, straightening his clothing. 

"Have 4 men meet me outside Med Bay doors, immediately.", Ren commanded.

The woman saluted him and hurried away to carry out his orders. 

Ren took several deep breaths, trying to center himself, steel his nerves for the upcoming confrontation.

If the girl was able to free herself from the tank, on her own--well, she WAS quite strong. Stronger than Ren, possibly even Snoke, had anticipated.

Besides that natural raw strength, she was bound to be angry.

Ren had had to do something drastic to her, in order to weaken her enough so that he was able to knock her out and bring her on board the ship. He hadn't wanted to do it, but he had literally had no other choice.

Waking up as a prisoner on a strange ship was bad enough, but once she came out of her post-Bacta fog to realize that Ren had . . .

He hurried to Med Bay, wincing at how odd it felt, to be exposed like this. To be without his helmet.

But that, unfortunately, had been lost in the disastrous aftermath of Starkiller.

Aside from Snoke and General Hux, no one on this ship had ever SEEN his actual face.

If it weren't for his unique clothes, lightsaber, and unmatched height, he doubted that anyone would have even known who he WAS.

All those old doubts resurfaced, as he felt the eyes of the people on him as he passed through the hallways. He felt it again, his personal, persistent belief that he was ugly; that, against all odds, he had not inherited the rugged handsomeness that had belonged to his father, or the ethereal beauty that was his mother's.

He shook these thoughts off as he made it to the doors of Med Bay, and walked into the room,the guards coming behind him.

He looked around the room in disbelief. The glass from the Bacta tank had been shattered into a thousand glinting pieces, bits of steel mixed with the slimy pinkish-gray ooze. Several medical droids had been destroyed in the blast, and those that were left weren't programmed with the knowledge of what to do in this situation.

The girl was on her knees on the ground, coughing and crying, her legs and arms badly lacerated from the flying glass.

She looked up when Ren entered the room, her eyes spilling out her anger, and fear.

"You--", she choked out, her voice thick with stress and exhaustion, "What am I doing here? What have you done to me?!"

Ren noticed that she was shivering, which was no surprise, considering she was still naked from the Bacta. Without looking too closely at her, he took off his cloak and draped it over her shoulders, covering her from the prying eyes of his guards.

Ren paused, then turned and told the guards to leave the room.

He could handle this himself.

He watched as they filed out, and when the last one had left, he locked the door behind him.

He paced slowly back over to the girl and crouched down, looking her in the eye.

"What have I done to you? I saved you. You would be laying dead in the snow right now if it wasn't for me. You should be thanking me."

She began to shake violently from head to toe, and Ren could feel the rage rolling off of her in waves.

"Thank you? I should THANK you?! You killed my friends! And now, apparently, you've kidnapped me in some misguided belief that I have any desire to be your pupil!"

She attempted to throw a punch at him, weakly, still sick from the sudden premature extraction from the Bacta; and she froze.

She raised her right arm and stared at it in confusion. Her hand was missing. Her lovely pale arm now ended at the wrist, the stump neatly cauterized and just in the beginning stages of healing.

"You--you cut off my hand?"

"Yes. It was the only way I could incapacitate you enough to bring you on board."

She sat crouched on her knees, eyes wide as she stared at her mangled arm.

Suddenly she began to scream, her soft voice taking on a raw, frightening guttural tone as she let out her pent-up emotions. Her fist was clenched, the veins standing out on her neck and forehead.

Ren flinched as the second Bacta tank behind them inexplicably exploded into bits, glass and ooze raining down on his stunned face.

She really WAS powerful.

She stopped screaming and looked behind her, in awe, at the splintered remains of the second broken tank. 

He slowly wiped his face with his sleeve and stood up, folding his arms across his chest.

"You're really quite impressive," he told her, pacing around her crouched form. "Do you see this?"

He gestured to the broken glass strewn across the room, crunching his boots down loudly over a few of the larger pieces for emphasis.

"YOU did this, on your own, and you did it with your anger. That passion, that hate, makes you powerful."

"Search your mind; you can see that I'm telling you the truth, can't you?"

She nodded, not looking up at him.

"You could be so much more, if you agreed to let me teach you. You're powerful, but you're unfocused. Undisciplined. It would be tragic, to let such potential go to waste."

"I can help you reach levels that you never dreamed of, unlock talent that you didn't think was possible."

She didn't answer him, and Ren could sense the struggle going on in her mind. He could feel that she was indecisive, and decided to use that to his advantage.

"Do you really want to go back, Rey, to that lonely life on Jakku?", he asked, addressing her by her name for the first time. "To go back to scavenging for parts, to being a nobody?"

She didn't answer, but was now looking up at him, her expression considerably softened.

Instead of asking one of the many questions that Ren could feel she had for him, in regards to his offer, she instead asked about her hand.

"What--what about THIS?", she choked out, slightly raising her arm.

"We'll get you a mechanical hand built right away, I promise. After you go back into the Bacta tank. In the other Med Bay," he added, looking at the two broken ones behind her.

"But first, you have to decide: are you willing to become my pupil, and learn the ways of the Force from me?"

"Yes," she replied softly, not looking at him. "What else is there left for me?"

He felt the pain behind her words, but chose to ignore it. 

"I admire your enthusiastic commitment to this endeavor," he said sarcastically, straightening up. "Trust me; this'll be the best decision you ever made. Now come on; I'll walk you to Med 2."

She got shakily to her feet, trying to pull his cloak tighter around herself with her one hand, and failing.

"Can you help me with this, please?"

He came closer to her and pulled his cloak all the way around her small body, being respectful not to look at her as he did so. He pressed the two ends into her hand, his fist briefly squeezing over hers as he helped her grip them.

"I don't like the Bacta tank," she grumbled, trying to ignore the sharp pain in her legs as she walked beside him.

"Well, look on the bright side: one of the things I can teach you is self-healing. You'll never have to go into a tank again."

She looked carefully at his face for the first time. She could vividly remember cutting his face wide open, from cheek to forehead, in a bloody diagonal swath.

Yet instead of the gruesome mess she expected to see, what should have been a noticeable scar was a thin, light pink line.

"It's possible to fix things, like that, on your own?"

"With the right training, yes."

She gave a shuddery sigh. "Then maybe this won't be so bad, after all."

"It won't be. Trust me."


	2. Chapter 2

The new base was located on the oddest planet that Ren had ever seen before.

The rotation of the sun was such that there was only daylight for one full day, a 24 hour period of lasting and continuous sunlight, out of every seven. Six days of the week were bathed in total darkness, with a dim moon and scattered stars doing their best to combat the constant inky blackness.

Construction had begun on a new weapon, and this, too, was unusual. The mechanics of it was such that it operated by pulling in the negative energy in the air, the very dark itself, in order to fire. The resulting blast was projected to be ten times more powerful than the previous Starkiller, with a wider range of targets it was able to take out at a single time.

The First Order had learned the location of several hidden rebel bases across the star systems, and was sending out contingents of Stormtroopers to annihilate as much of it as they could, while they worked on the new weapon.

This had all been explained to Kylo Ren at a series of meetings conducted by General Hux and his top advisors, who, along with Snoke, were working tirelessly to rebuild the resources they had lost in the aftermath of Starkiller.

When they had arrived on base, Rey, now fully healed, had finally been brought before Snoke.

Although the Supreme Leader did not express this out-loud, Ren knew that he was terribly impressed with his newest acquisition. 

He put her through a series of small tests, asking her to do both basic and complicated things, to gauge her skill level, and see what she needed the most work with developing.

He and Ren worked together to devise a series of lessons and a systematic way for Ren (and often, Snoke himself) to teach her about her newfound talent.

But on that very first day on base, before they had met with Snoke, while Rey was getting a final examination from the medical droids, Ren had gone into the room that they were keeping her clothes in, to retrieve them for her.

He saw the small pile sitting atop a table; but they weren't able to hold his attention.

The lightsaber was there.

He tried to imagine his grandfather, handsome, strong, fashioning this lightsaber in his youth, and couldn't do it.

Ever since he had found out that Darth Vader was his grandfather, Ren had been trying to get his hands on this saber, the one Darth had cut from Luke (along with his hand) on that long-ago day on Cloud City.

Now here it was, right in front of him.

Tempting him.

He picked up the saber, slightly startled at the pain that shot through his arm as he did so. Thinking that his arm was merely sore, he switched the saber to his other hand--and was met with the same sharp, piercing throb.

Clearly, this saber wanted nothing to do with him. 

Whatever spirit imbued it had decided that it belonged to Rey, and did not want anyone else handling it.

Even if that person WAS the grandson of its original owner.

He turned it this way and that, feeling it's energy, the essence of both Luke and Vader merged into a powerful, palpable static.

As he was standing there with his eyes closed, reveling in the moment, the tingle in his arm got worse, sending painful electric sparks seemingly right down to his bones.

Sadly, he knew now, for sure.

This lightsaber belonged to Rey.

So he respectfully turned it off and laid it back on the pile of clothes.

Clothes.

Looking at them, now, he realized that hers were quite worn, and badly damaged. The material was such that it was adapted for wear in much warmer weather, such as the arid desert climate of Jakku.

But the Finalizer was always cold, and the planet where there new base was to be located was understandably cold, as well. Not surprising, considering the lack of sunlight.

She needed new clothes, such as would be fitting both for the physical climate and the "prestige", if that was the word for it, to being a pupil of Lord Ren.

He called on his Com for two female members of his personal staff to come into his chambers, and gave them orders to take complete measurements for the girl , then go out and procure new clothing for her. He detailed what the colors should be, and the type of training robes; then left the rest up to them.

He felt odd, talking about women's clothing, but it was his duty to ensure that she, as his student, would be properly outfitted for what lay ahead of them.

In the meantime, she had been given a handful of generic robes and tunics, to at least cover her, before meeting with Snoke.

Which had gone very well, all things considered.

Once things settled down on base and things more or less took on an orderly, organized tone, Ren was able to dig in his teeth and begin his training of the girl.

Of Rey.

The day that they began their work was, coincidentally enough, on the Sun-laden day of the week. They went outdoors, to a small courtyard located right next to the base.

"We're going to begin today with a little mind exercise that Snoke taught me. It's called shielding. It prevents your opponent from entering your mind, knowing your thoughts. Helpful in combat, or in everyday situations."

Rey nodded nervously, hands fidgeting with her tunic.

"Do you remember the first time I read your mind?"

"Yes," she replied, wincing slightly. She remembered, all right. It was one of the worst pains she had ever experienced in her life, taking place on both a physical and an emotional plane.

"Okay. I'm going to delve deep into your thoughts, your memories, and teach you to block me out. Understand?"

She nodded, trying to mentally brace herself for the impact.

He started off lightly at first, merely scratching at her surface-thoughts.

"Your new hand feels funny, but you're hoping you'll get used to it. The sunlight feels good on your face; it reminds you of Jakku, and you wish there was more of it.", he spoke her thoughts out-loud casually, smiling a little at the nervous expression on her face.

Without warning he dove in deeper, and the mental force of it hit Rey like cold steel.

"When you were very young, you found a stray rock lizard outside of your hut. Your family still hadn't come back for you, and the lizard was all you had. You woke up one morning, and it was dead. You cried for a week."

Rey squeezed her eyes shut, trying desperately to get Ren out of her mind and her memories.

"Get out of my head," she demanded weakly, tears starting in her eyes.

Instead of complying, Ren pushed himself in deeper, taking no pleasure in her agonized screams of torment.

"You kept a calendar on your walls, marks scratched out against the time your family would return for you. You filled the walls many times over, around and around. They never came."

"Stop!", she shouted, her hands going to her ears.

"Block me," he said calmly, as he continued to push. "Visualize my energy, see its shape, its color. See it and push back against it. Fight it."

She was on her knees now, her hands digging into her scalp as she attempted to follow Ren's commands.

She turned all her thoughts inwards, focusing on the inside of her mind as she focused on pushing him out. She concentrated as hard as she could, her face scrunched, breathing hard; and suddenly she SAW it.

She was able to visualize the energy that Ren was projecting into her mind, seeing it as a misty red smoke swirling around her brain.

She focused harder, and now she could see her own force; visualizing it as a dark green fog, being pushed against, penetrated by the red.

Slowly, steadily, she saw her Green pushing back against the Red, driving it back with difficult force from her mind.

Giving a final mental shove, the Green knocked the Red mist completely from her brain and back towards Ren.

She slowly gained her feet, smiling.

Ren was smiling, too, pleased that she had managed to fight back.

"Very good, Rey. Now, again."

"Again?!"

"Yes, again. You did well, but you had to put a lot of effort into it, to drive me out. We must practice every day until it becomes second nature, as effortless as breathing."

"Are you ready?"

Rey nodded and sighed, silently resigning herself to a very painful afternoon.


	3. Chapter 3

"Why is that light blinking?"

Rey asked the question to the pilot nearest here, watching with concern as the man checked over the computers.

She and Ren were being sent on a mission to Korriban, a desert planet that once boasted a stronghold for the Sith. Since the days of the empire it had been partially colonized, with a large city hosting a variety of sentients on its northernmost side.

Snoke was sending them to retrieve a large shipment of rare minerals, that would be used in the construction of the new weapon.

Normally Snoke would send one or the other, along with a small squad of Stormtroopers, on such a menial journey. However, he had wanted Rey to go on her first real mission outside of the base, and wanted Ren to go along for supervision. He felt that the two of them together should be more than sufficient in handling the task.

Ren was in the back of the ship, reading over the maps , and Rey had been chatting with the two pilots navigating their flight, when a number of blinking lights and alarms began to go off.

One of the pilots jumped out of his seat, and ran to the back, to find Ren.

"Lord Ren, sir! The engine is malfunctioning, we're going to have to make a landing right away!"

"What is--", Ren began, before the sound of a small, muffled explosion caught his attention. One of the rear thrusters had backfired mid-air, catching on fire and causing the ship to shudder and jerk violently.

The pilots brought the ship down to the planet's surface, barreling down towards it with frightening speed.

The force of impact knocked everybody onto the floor. Ren pitched into a steel holding beam, knocking his head and temporarily stunning him.

He watched in a dazed, slow-motion clarity as Rey jumped to her feet, pulling at his arm.

It took a few seconds for the realization to go through his brain that she was yelling for him to get up, to move.

He stood up, staggering towards the exit as she swiftly picked up their two packs off of the floor, slinging one over each shoulder as she rushed with Ren out the door.

They got several yards away and collapsed into the dirt, panting.

"Ren, do we--" Rey began, right before the ship exposed into a ball of fire behind them.

They both flinched and ducked, covering their heads with their hands and the flames shot out from all sides of the ship. 

Once it had died down, they cautiously rose to their feet, staring in disbelief at the wreckage.

Neither one had to question whether the two pilots had lived.

Both could sense that they had not.

"What do we do now?"

It was Rey who asked the question, looking worried.

Ren shook his head slowly. He had no idea; things had taken a turn so quickly, and he was terribly unprepared.

He calmed himself, and looked around, trying to get his bearings. Judging by the scenery, they had arrived on the correct planet; just on the wrong side.

The last reading of the navigational computer before the crash had shown that they were flying over the desert. The city was at least 100 miles away, the terrain between here and there was flat, thick sand, interspersed with dunes and large rocks.

Ren looked at the direction of the sun. It was mid-afternoon, and it was angled in the west. Ren knew that their destination lay in the north.

He explained all of this to Rey, watching her to gage her reaction.

"We won't be able to get a signal out until we reach the city. I think we should try to make some distance towards it before sunset."

Rey nodded in agreement. She handed one of the packs she had salvaged to Ren. "There's plenty of food rations in these, but not much in the way of water. Since we don't know whether we'll come across any freshwater sources on the way, we'll have to be really careful with this."

"You're right."

He took a deep breath, gearing his mind up for the long hike ahead of them. "Are you ready?"

Rey nodded, slinging her pack over her shoulder. She patted her belt to make sure her lightsaber was still in place, and adjusted the hood of her robe against the scorching wind.

"Let's go."

-.-.-.- 

The two spent the rest of the afternoon trudging along as quickly as they could through the endless sand. They had not come across any other people, although they were privy to seeing many small, scurrying animals and insects.

They talked some at first, but found that taking made their throats intolerably dry. So rather than endanger their precarious water supply, they mostly moved along in silence, stopping to rest every half-hour or so.

They had made better than 40 miles all told, before Rey stopped, holding her sides.

"I don't think I can go anymore today," she said, balancing on one leg as she dumped sand out of her boot. She had a small cut on one arms. It had stopped bleeding hours ago; but she was forced to use some of her water to rinse the sticky grit out of the blood, to avoid a possible infection.

"Let's make camp here for the night, huh?"

The sun was hanging quite low in the sky, evening coming on fast.

"Okay," Ren agreed, looking around them. There was a small formation of large rocks, in a loose semi circle, a few yards away. Surrounding it on three sides was a half formed, rotted-out wall of bricks and stones. There was no roof, and the walls, while providing some shield from the elements, did not fully block out the openness of the land.

This place looked as if it had once been a temple of some kind, or possibly a small house.

It seemed as good a spot as any, to stay the night.

There was a large scatter of roots and twigs buried around and sticking out of the sand, and one small bush, about waist-high on Rey.

The two hollowed out a deep indent in the circle of rocks, to make room for a fire. Ren took his lightsaber and carefully sliced up the bush, to create kindling. Rey walked around gathering up the loose twigs and roots here and there, adding them to the pile.

"Will we really need all this? I mean, it's so warm out," Ren said, wiping a tiny bead of sweat from his forehead.

"Sure, its warm NOW. But I'm guessing you've never slept on a desert planet before, have you?", Rey asked him, sitting down on one of the rocks.

"No. Why? Is it very different from other places?"

"I guess not; but theres one thing that's important. The temperature is going to drop, and it'll drop HARD. These walls will provide some shielding to the wind, but not much, especially with no roof. We'll have to keep the fire going strong, and keep it going all night. If it goes out we'll freeze."

"And we'll have to be careful," she continued, taking a small sip of her water. "Bright flames in all the darkness might attract things, like animals. Or people."

Ren nodded slowly, his eyes searching the area for more sticks. 

"We'll have to sleep in turns, then. I think I saw a bunch of branches when we came around that dune back there; I'm going to go and bring them over."

"Do you need help?"

"No, I should be fine. 

She watched him go, then set to work straightening out the little area where they were going to be camping.

-.-.-.-.-

"So they just left you?"

Rey drew her knees up to her chin, clasping her arms around her legs.

It was several hours later, the sun having sunk behind the dunes.

Rey had been correct; the temperature had dropped at an alarming rate, turning the once sweltering heat into a stinging cold. They built a large fire, as close as they could to the stone wall and out of the wind. They had cooked and eaten their evening rations, and now they were sitting across from each other quietly, huddled as close to the flames as possible.

Ren didn't know what had possessed him to start asking her questions about her family. He knew that it was an uncomfortable subject for her, yet he couldn't seem to help himself.

Maybe it was that he still didn't feel like he knew her very well.

Sometimes, he got the impression that she didn't even know HERSELF very well.

She sat looking at him now, after that last question, as if trying to decide on what to answer.

"Not 'just'; they were always going to come back for me, someday."

"But they didn't, Rey."

She glared at him, her eyes bright and burning holes through him even in the dark. 

"Things happen, Ren! They could have gotten lost, or killed. Maybe they crashed into an asteroid. Maybe they were killed by Mandelorians! Whatever happened, I know in my heart that they WERE going to come back for me!"

She rested her head on her knees, and even from where Ren sat, he could see how her arms were shaking.

Finally, she sighed and said, in a softer voice,

"I'm not a fool, Ren. I know the truth; but I have to keep believing otherwise, or I'll go insane. Do you understand that?"

Ren nodded, not looking at her as he got up and grabbed a few more sticks to add to the fire.

"You don't have to keep doing that, you know."

"Doing what?"

"Calling me by my last name. I'd rather you called me Kylo."

She raised an eyebrow at him, chuckling a little. 

"Kylo? I don't know; that seems a little inappropriate, for the student to address the master in a first name level."

Ren held out his hands to the fire, watching as the flames lightly seared his fingertips a light red-pink.

"I'd like to think we've moved a little further than that, Rey. I'd like to think that we're, well, friends."

Rey didn't answer; rather, she looked across the flames and smiled at Ren.

He smiled back, understanding what was too difficult for her to express. Then he yawned, loudly, the events of the day finally catching up to him.

"We've hadn't rough day today. I don't know if I said this already, but I'm proud of you, Rey. You've kept your head this entire time, and that's not something easy to do when everything is falling apart around you."

"Thanks; I appreciate that." She looked at his face closely, noticing how worn out he looked, how exhausted. 

Before she could say anything, he was asking her "Are you tired?"

"Not really," she answered, staring into the brightness of the fire. "Are you?"

"A little."

"Well, go to sleep. I'll take the first watch, and wake you up in a couple of hours, okay?"

He nodded again, and lay down in the sand. He used his pack for a pillow, scooting as close as he could to the warmth as he could without catching on fire.

The last thing he saw before drifting off was Rey, her eyes still staring intently into the flames.

-.-.-.-

He awoke on his own several hours later, painfully aware that he was vibrating with the cold.

He squinted his eyes as he lifted his head, and finally realized what was wrong: the dark. It was dark. There was no glowing fire in front of him.

He sat up, and quickly realized the second thing that was wrong:

Rey.

She was nowhere to be seen.

He leapt up in a panic, teeth chattering as the wind hit his face in an icy blast.

"Rey?", he called, stumbling around in the almost-solid blackness. 

No answer.

"Rey?!", he called again, louder this time, anxiety rearing its ugly head.

No, no, he thought to himself in a daze. Where is she? What if she was taken away by animals, or kidnapped by raiders? Damn you, Kylo, YOU should have been keeping watch over HER!

Before despair could completely take over his mind, he saw, in the distance, a bright blue glow thrown against some dunes in the distance.

He could just barely make out a small figure, stooped over and looking along the ground as it walked back towards him.

It was Rey.

He didn't think that he had ever felt such a strong relief, as he had in that moment.

He called out to her and she looked up, seeming like she was surprised to see him awake. She switched off the saber and walked the rest of the way to him in the dark.

"I'm sorry; I didn't want to wake you yet, you looked so tired."

"What were you doing?"

"The fire went out," she explained, sitting back down by their campsite, shivering. "It's that wind; it's much stronger than I thought. I was trying to find some more brush, but I couldn't find anything."

"We don't have ANYTHING left to burn, at all?"

Rey looked around the ground, her expression worried. "No, that's it." 

Ren looked at Rey desperately. "Do you think we should burn our robes? Would that provide much heat?"

Rey frowned, shaking her head. "No, that would burn out really quickly, and then we'd be left without ANY kind of covering."

She took a deep breath, and, for some reason, a blush came over her face. She was glad it was dark, so that he couldn't see it.

"Judging by the sky, it'll be morning in just a few hours, and the heat will come back. So we just have to last a little longer. There IS something we could do, that'll help some. It'll be a little uncomfortable, though."

"What?"

"We need to, um, sit next to each other. Really close, so that our body heat combines and warms each other. And we'll have to actually touch. Like, directly, without the clothes. Or our shirts, anyway."

Ren looked at her, tilting his head. "Are you talking about cuddling?"

Rey blushed harder, and scowled. "Not really the word I wanted to use, but yes, I suppose."

Ren hesitated, then peeled off his robe and shirt, shivering at the exposure of the air on his skin. He then got up and went to sit by Rey, holding his discarded clothing in his fists, and scooted close. He held out his arms awkwardly.

She had already taken off her robe and shirt, leaving her in the very thin cotton binding that was wrapped around her chest. Wordlessly, she went into Ren's arms, flinching back slightly when she felt how cold his skin was. She put one arm around him tightly, leaning into his side, to warm them faster. She was glad she hadn't forgotten her glove; her mechanical hand probably would have frozen him to death if she had.

He took their robes and wrapped each one around them like a blanket, adding to the warmth.

The situation was awkward, but it wasn't quite uncomfortable. Each sat in companionable silence as they slowly warmed up, and Rey yawned several times, her eyes fluttering.

This close, she could see the faint pattern of tiny, dark moles that scattered over his neck and collarbone. It looked rather like a map; like a tiny constellation of stars roaming across his pale skin. She thought about reaching out to touch them; to trace a route through this galaxy; but held back.

Why are you even thinking things like that?, she wondered to herself. They're just moles, for Maker's sake. You have freckles; you don't see HIM trying to reach out and touch your freckles, do you?

"Am I holding you too hard?", he asked after a while.

He was, a little. He was gripping her body so tight that she couldn't take truly comfortable breaths. His skin still had a chilly feel to it, so maybe that was why.

But she could sense that there was something in this that wasn't purely physical, wasn't just a desperate need to get warm. 

She got the strong feeling that he had not had this kind of physical closeness with another human, in a very long time. Possibly, ever. It was a very vulnerable, emphatic need to touch and be touched.

And as awkward as the situation was, she felt like he was enjoying this, was taking unfamiliar pleasure from having this non-threatening skin to skin contact with another person.

Even if he wasn't aware of these things on a conscious level.

Even though, if he HAD been, he wouldn't have admitted this to her, anyway.

Compassion was not something that Ren or Snoke's teachings encouraged. Compassion was a foolish emotion that blocked out common sense and forced one to think outward, towards others, rather than focusing on themselves; which was not at all in line with dark side philosophy.

In that same vein, the concept of empathy wasn't exactly lauded, either.

But, try as she might, Rey couldn't help but feel empathy for the man holding her so tightly. Before he had brought her to the First Order, her life had been largely empty of human interaction, as well. It was surprising, this powerful sense that HIS loneliness matched her own, something she never would have thought of, before.

For these reasons, and a hundred more, she merely answered "No, it's fine.", to his question, and continued to let him cradle her in his arms. After a while, he adjusted so that his grip wasn't quite so tight, allowing her deeper breaths and more comfort.

"Are you tired?", Ren asked her, looking down at her face.

She nodded.

"Well, go to sleep. It's my turn to  
keep watch."

"Thank you," she whispered. She shifted her position so that she was leaning into him more naturally, resting her head on his chest like a pillow.

-.-.-.-

Ren watched her face as she slept, his mind pulling into a thousand directions at once. 

Her nearness was overwhelming, in a way that was so strong that it was almost painful. For reasons that he couldn't fully articulate in his brain, he was truly enjoying this. He liked the feeling of this small, sturdy girl in his arms. He liked the way it felt, with her breathing against him. The way her chest rose and fell in peaceful waves as she let herself fall into sleep.

When he was sure that she was fully out, he cautiously rested his chin in her soft hair. She had a nice smell to her, some kind of floral scent that he couldn't immediately place, but, if he had thought about it, would have realized that it was like the flowers his mother used to keep in her little garden back home.

His eyes darted around in an endless loop in the dark, and he used his feelings to keep a sense of whether people or predators were heading their way.

As far as he could tell, there was no one else around for miles.

How did she stand this, for so many years?, he thought to himself, barely aware that he was wrapping his arms tighter around her. It's so quiet, so empty. So . . . lonely.

She gave a little sigh in her sleep, unconsciously snuggling in closer to him, which sent lovely warm tingles up and down his arms.

As sunrise approached, he watched in fascination as the sky slowly changed colors, from dull gray-blues to vivid fire, spreading from one end of the horizon to the other.

Once, when he was a very young boy, he had gone with his father on a trip to Corellia. They had stayed for several days, bunking on the Falcon, while his father made trading deals with the locals.

The day they were to leave, Kylo had woken up to find his father gone from his place beside him in the opposite bunk.

He had sleepily wandered the ship looking for him, to no avail.

He finally stumbled outside, and could just barely make out the silhouette of his dad, his arms folded across his chest, leaning comfortably against a tall tree.

"Dad? What are you doing out here?"

Han turned around, smiling down at his boy.

"Ben, you're up early. Come over here; you're just in time for the show."

"What show?", he asked, rubbing his sleep-crusted eyes.

His father took his hand and held it tightly, pointing to a bright, small spot in the dusky sky.

"There," he said. "Watch."

As Ben watched, a large flaming red ball rose up through the clouds, turning the entire sky into a golden-pink painting. The details of the land that had been hidden in darkness suddenly lit up, and the birds all burst into their individual songs, heralding the coming of a new day.

Ben stood in awe, holding his father's hand and watching the rapidly changing sky. 

"Does this happen every day?", he asked him in a hushed voice.

Han smiled and lifted him up, hugging him and kissing his cheek before setting him back down. "Everyday but my birthday," he said, teasing his son as he rumpled his hair.

"Eww, dad," Ben said, wiping his father's kiss from his cheek. "Don't be gross."

His dad laughed and patted his son on the shoulder.

"Sorry, kid. I keep forgetting that you're a big boy now. One of these days you'll be bigger than me, even."

"Do you really think so, dad?" It was hard for him to imagine, at the time. His dad was so tall, so larger than life, that it was hard to imagine himself surpassing him in any way.

"I know so. Now come on, let's go get some breakfast, huh?"

Ben follower his dad back to the ship, looking behind him one last time at the sunrise.

That time reminded Ren of this time, for similar reasons.

In both instances, he had experienced a thing of incomparable beauty in the presence of someone he cared about very much.

That he -- loved.

But you don't love Rey, he immediately thought to himself, looking down at her. His arms tightened around her of their own accord as he continued to think.

She's your friend, and she's your student. Naturally you're proud of all you've been able to teach her, and you like her as a person. But that's as far as it goes. That's as far as it CAN go, and you know that.

Why?

Why, what?

Why is that as far as it can go?

Because.

Because, what?

Maker, would you shut up already, Kylo! You KNOW why! 

This isn't like the Jedi, you know. It's not even precisely like the Sith. Snoke has never once told you anything to the effect of being prohibited from forming romantic attachments to others, has he?

Well, no, but --

The only thing Snoke has ever cared about is you using your powers for his own personal gain. That's it. As long as you keep doing the things he asks of you, that's all that matters. 

Okay, but even if what you're saying is true, and it wouldn't be an issue to him: what about Rey? I DID kill her friends, I DID cut off her hand and I DID kidnap her. I built up her powers, yes, but really this entire venture has been against her will, from the beginning. Even if I DID love her, truly love her, which by the way is not a confession, it's a hypothetical, even if I DID, there's no way she'd love me back.

Those are just excuses. Do you think for a second that if she wasn't happy here, if she hadn't found something that sparked her passion and interest, she'd still BE here? Especially after seeing how powerful she truly is? No. She'd have left long before now. Even just now, when you woke up and she was gone; do you realize how easy it would have been for her to slip away while you slept? She grew up on a desert planet, she would know how to hide on one, how to survive. But she came back. And tell me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she the one who suggested this body-heat situation you're sitting in right now?

That's just for survival, he scoffed, shaking his head. There's nothing personal connected to this!

It's shocking, almost, how someone who sees so much can't see something right in front of his eyes. Or I should say, sleeping in his arms.

The sun was higher now, and like magic, the paralyzing cold of the night was pushed back, giving way to a pleasant dry heat.

Holding Rey this close was probably unnecessary now; the strong warmth of the air combined with the robes as covering should be more than sufficient.

He gently laid her down in the sand, propping her pack underneath her for a pillow. He spread her robe and his over her curled up body, tucking her in with an absent minded fastidiousness.

Kiss her.

What?!

Kiss her. Kiss her forehead, kiss her cheek. She won't know, and I know you want to.

No, I don't. She's my friend. And even if I did want to, which I don't, but IF I DID, doing it this way would be wrong. You know that, Kylo.

Maybe you're right. In any case, looking into her pretty eyes while you kiss her will probably be much more satisfying than a kiss in her dreams. Right?

He didn't know how to answer that, to himself.

He had no idea why he was thinking these things.

So he simply scooted back over towards his own pack, keeping watch over the land as he waited for Rey to wake up.


	4. Chapter 4

Once they had reached the city, getting off of Korriban had been a rather easy matter. They had been able to get a signal out from the small shop where their minerals were being held.

The owner was a huge fellow, not human, a species that Ren had never encountered before. It was large and green, with multiple eyes and several hands.

It had snarled at them when they first arrived. It had been expecting two members from the First Order to come and pick up the mineral shipment, and Ren and Rey looked as far from the First Order as possible.

Tangled hair, sand-covered limbs, ripped clothing and all.

Ren thought that they would have to take what they wanted by force, and was prepared to ignite his lightsaber, when Rey stopped him, laying a hand on his arm.

"Please, sir," she said to the creature, approaching it slowly. "We are indeed from The First Order, under the command of Supreme Leader Snoke. Forgive our appearance; our ship wrecked in the desert, and we've had to travel a great many miles on foot to get here."

"This is Lord Ren," she said, gesturing to the glowering Kylo, "And my name is Rey."

Cautiously, she extended her right hand towards the brute beast, shrugging off Ren's whispered warning not to get so close.

A few tense moments passed, and then, amazingly, the creature was grasping her hand, and pumping it warmly.

It began to communicate with them in very stilted Basic, introducing himself as Quex, and explaining that he had had multiple incidents in the past of people pretending to be others, to get what he had.

"You--you First Order. I see. I see," he said, pointing at the hand he had shaken of Rey's.

Ren looked, and realized that Rey had given him her mechanical hand, the one with the glove.

The glove that bore the First Order insignia.

Smart, he thought to himself, smiling a little. If she had shown him that deliberately, he would have seen it as an attempt at dishonesty, and would have turned us away. But because she did it so matter of factly, it left him no room to be suspicious.

Smart.

Ren asked him whether he had any Comm devices, so he could get out a message to a ship to pick them up. Quex showed it to him, and Ren placed the message, hoping in the back of his head that Snoke wouldn't be too angry about the wrecked ship.

Not that the wreck had been either his or Rey's fault.

But still.

After he was done, Quex put one of his giant arms on his shoulder, and another on Rey's.

"Come," he said, gesturing through the little door. "I make food. Long journey; hungry. Yes?"

"You don't have to do that," said Rey, smiling.

"Nonsense. You, eat. Too small. Eat."

Rey laughed, blushing. 

"Thank you," she said, as Quex led them into his tiny living quarters behind the shop, to prepare them a meal.

-.-.-.-

The space of a few hours found them back home again, landing on the surface of the planet in the middle of the afternoon.

After the bright sunshine and aggressive heat of Korriban, it was depressing, somewhat, to come back to the cold darkness of the base.

They had both been summoned to see Snoke immediately upon their return, and they went to him, both self-conscious of their ragged, disheveled appearance.

Yet Snoke wasn't angry, as Ren had feared he would be.

Rather, he was praising of both Ren and Rey, and how well they had handled a situation that had gone wrong so quickly.

He was particularly pleased with Rey, seeing how she handled herself off base for the first time, and seeing from their memories how it was she that helped them make it through the night with her survival instincts.

He praised them, then sent them both back to their quarters to clean up and rest.

Ren was in his quarters, just barely out of the refresher, when a stormtrooper knocked on his door and told him that Snoke requested his presence right away in his chambers.

Ren had been annoyed as he walked down the hall, wondering what could be so urgent that it couldn't wait until he had at least taken a nap first.

When he got there, he could tell right away that something was wrong.

The feelings emanating from Snoke were very somber, somewhat uneasy. Ren wasn't able to read Snoke's mind to see what was wrong, so he had to wait patiently for him to begin speaking.

"Lord Ren, I'm afraid I have some difficult news for you."

Ren searched his master's face, then looked at Hux, who was standing quietly at Snoke's side. He reached out towards Hux and could see that he didn't now what was wrong, either.

"As you both know, last week we sent Squad 473 out on an exploratory mission, to follow up on leads that there was a Resistance base located on the moon of Ilum. General Hux, you know that this crew returned from this mission an hour ago. After evening drill, I want you to take the Captains into conference and write out a report on the situation."

Hux nodded, taking out his datapad and typing notes into it.

Ren watched him for a moment, then turned back to Snoke.

"I take it they found a base, then?"

Snoke nodded, his eyes on Ren's face.

"They did. We suffered some losses, but our men were able to successfully dispatch all those hidden at this base."

Snoke stood up now, and he did something that plunged Ren's mind into an uncomfortable unease. He got up, and put his hand on Ren's shoulder, like one would do as a gesture of comfort. 

He had never done such a thing before.

"Ren, Leia Organa was there at this base. Captain reports confirm that she perished with her men."

Ren's eyes widened with disbelief, but he couldn't say anything. He couldn't think, couldn't speak. It was as if time had stopped.

Behind Snoke, Ren could see the shock register on General Hux's face, as well.

Snoke turned away from Ren and back to the General.

"General Hux, you may leave us."

Hux nodded, turning and preparing to leave. He stopped briefly and put one hand on Ren's other shoulder, squeezing it firmly.

Ren knew what he was thinking, and he uttered a quiet "Thank you" in response, before Hux continued on his way.

Ren watched him leave, and waited until the door had shut behind him, before turning once more to his master.

"I appreciate you informing me of this news yourself, Master, rather than hearing it from a report or a meeting," he heard himself say mechanically, his voice betraying no emotion. "She was a good woman, and a formidable opponent, and I'm sure she'll be greatly missed by all who knew her."

His voice didn't sound like his own; it was somewhat cold, and detached. It sounded as though he were speaking of some random person whom he happened to know; not his own mother.

"However," he continued in that same indifferent tone," She WAS a member of the Resistance, and a known enemy to the First Order. Therefore, her fate was inevitable."

Snoke nodded, looking closely at his apprentice. He was mildly surprised; he had been expecting some show of emotion from  
Ren in regards to this rather difficult news, some sort of outburst. But there was nothing; not even a hint of sorrow in the young man's eyes.

Snoke suspected that he was quite possibly just in shock, or holding his pain very tightly inside.

He also suspected that, when he did finally let loose his feelings, damage to people and property would reach catastrophic proportions. Which factored heavily into his decision to say his next words to Ren:

"I admire your clearheadedness in this matter, Kylo Ren. However I think it would be best if you perhaps took a week away from your commands and your responsibilities. Time to center, time to reflect."

"I can't do that. You're sending me with the troops to Corcusant in two days, remember?"

"Rey will go in your place. Trust in me, young Ren; this is for the best. One week. Now, you may go."

Ren nodded and left him, walking on legs he couldn't feel to his quarters.

He let himself in and went to stand by his window, looking out at the ever-dark grounds below. Stormtroopers were sparring on the bright, artificially-lit training course, with General Hux looking on, speaking with two of his officers.

He watched them for a long time, his head against the cold glass window. Watching the uniformity of the men below required no thought on Ren's part; and that was what he wanted. To stand, quietly, and not to think.

The afternoon passed quickly, with Ren not making much progress in moving from his window.

A knock on the door temporarily snapped him from his reverie. He closed his eyes, reaching out to sense who it was.

"Come in, Rey."

Rey entered his room quietly, frowning at how dim it was. She switched on an overhead light, and Ren blinked a little against the sudden brightness.

He turned around slowly to face her, and found that she was staring at him with a look of concern on her face.

"Snoke just informed me about your mother," she said, coming further into the room. "Kylo, I'm so sorry."

Ren looked at her, and shrugged his shoulders.

"Nothing to be sorry about. It was going to happen one day anyway. Honestly, I'm just glad that I'M not the one who had to do it. One parent was enough."

He smiled as he said that last part, meaning to make a joke of the situation even though it was anything but.

Rey said nothing, only sat down in the chair that Ren was standing in front of, looking up at him.

"I hadn't seen her in so long. I think the last time was possibly a month before I -- before I left, for good. Or maybe a few weeks. She had made an Eopie cream pie, and she got angry at me when I ate the whole thing before my father got home."

He smiled fondly at the memory, and Rey smiled with him.

"Before I left that day, she gave me this," he said, rolling up his sleeve. There Rey saw the heavy silver bracelet that she had noticed numerous times before, when they were training. It was wide and plain, with the exception of three small rubies set into the side. 

"She found it at one of the trading posts my father used to drag her to, when she wasn't busy with the senate. She said that the red stones reminded her of me; red was my favorite color, back then. I guess it still is."

"I remember thanking her, and sliding it on. I was thinner then, and it sat on my wrist a lot looser. I thanked her, kissed her cheek, and left. I don't think I even said I Love You; just Thank You, and goodbye."

"I didn't know that would be the last time," he said, his voice dropping lower. 

He gingerly touched the bracelet on his wrist, his mind overwhelmed with memories of that last day he had ever been at home; perhaps the last day he had truly been Ben Solo.

He remembered how the sun was streaming in through the open windows.

He remembered the sweet smell of his mother's garden flowers, floating through the house and mixing with the luscious scent of the pie.

He remembered the creak of his father's old easy chair as he sat in it, listening to his mother talk about her and Han's latest trip together.

Most of all, he remembered his mother, as she was that day.

She had been wearing her favorite blue dress, imprinted with light golden brown swirls around the trim that perfectly matched the brown of her eyes. Her luxuriant hair fell loosely around her shoulders, moving with the breeze that came in through the windows.

Her face had been calm, smooth and peaceful.

It had not yet gained the wrinkles and the tiredness that would come later, as a result of the worry from the collapse of her beloved government and the rise of Snoke and the First Order

It had yet to bear the traces of the sleepless nights she would later suffer, wondering and agonizing over her beloved son. Laying in bed , relentlessly going over every facet of their lives in her mind, trying to see where she had made mistakes, where she had failed Ben as a parent.

Unwilling to accept that Ben's fall to the dark side had been what destiny had in store for him, an inevitable fate that she, no matter how she might have done things differently, could not have prevented.

The woman who had passed on her terrible lineage to her son.

The woman who sat up all night by his bedside when he was sick.

The woman who dismissed his terrible nightmares as stress and anxiety.

The woman who feverishly defended him from all criticisms.

The woman who sent him to her brother, when he needed her the most.

So many layered, confusing elements to their relationship. So many unspoken words, unexpressed desires.

So much love.  
So much anger.

So much hope.

He could feel it now; the hot swelling in his chest, and he felt powerless to hold it back. 

"I never--I never thought that--"

And then everything got to be too much for him.

He let himself gracelessly fall to the floor, landing on his knees in a hard crunch. He buried his face in his hands and began to cry; hard, painful sobs that hurt his chest.

He couldn't take his hands away from his face, to see if Rey had left yet. She probably had; seeing him like this, so weak, so vulnerable, had to be an unpleasant experience for her.

So he was rather surprised when, through the fog of his pain, he felt a pair of arms slide timidly around his trembling body.

Rey drew his head to her chest, one slender arm wrapped around his shoulders, the other pulling lightly through his hair.

Ren felt embarrassed. The last time he had cried like this, the last time he had cried in front of another person, had been his mother, when he was a little boy.

Thinking of his mother made him sob harder, soaking the front of Rey's tunic and her chest with his tears.

She said nothing of this, nor did she make him feel uncomfortable in any way about his staggering display of emotion.

She simply sat and held him, letting him wrack her body with his pain.

Eventually he was able to stop, and lifted his eyes slowly to look at her, afraid of what he might see there.

Surely she would be disappointed with him. After all those long lectures from him on the importance of guarding your emotions, controlling your feelings--to see him completely give way to his anguish in such a way had to be disconcerting for her to witness.

Yet the look on her face displayed none of the reproach he expected to find. Rather, she looked very sad, and sympathetic.

It almost seemed, to Ren, that Rey was suffering with him; that his pain caused her pain.

But that was most likely folly; a narcissistic delusion brought on by his own emotional stress.

Why should his pain matter so much to her?

Their faces were inches from each other, the room silent. His dark eyes were teary and bloodshot-red, hers wide and hazel.

She leaned close, cupping his face between her hands, her eyes piercing his --

\-- she leaned in, and --

\--kissed his cheek, softly, her tiny lips pressing gently into his tear-soaked skin.

He closed his eyes as she drew back, both relieved and disappointed that it had not gone any further.

"I have to go," she said quietly, standing up and backing unsteadily towards the door. "Snoke wants me to train with him in a while."

Ren nodded, saying nothing. He used the corner of his shirt to wipe away the rest of his tears, sighing. He felt a little better, after having done that. 

Better, and worse.

It took everything in him not to walk over to Rey, to pull her into his arms, and kiss her.

REALLY kiss her.

Control, control, control, he chanted inside his head.

"Thank you, Rey," he heard himself say, his arms folded tightly across his chest. "I appreciate your coming over. And -- yeah. Just, thank you."

"You're welcome," she said softly, as the door closed behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

"It's your turn to join Hux for evening drill."

Ren looked at her and frowned. 

He knew it was his turn. 

Snoke insisted that either he or Rey went and stood beside Hux as he presided over the evening drill, every single night; a task neither of them were very fond of. 

Listening to the General shout commands got to be very tedious after the first ten minutes, and whoever was out there with him would often have a dreadful headache at the end of it all.

"Isn't it your turn?", Ren asked Rey casually, trying to fool her into going out there so he wouldn't have to.

Rey folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. "You know I did it last night; it's definitely your turn."

"How about I flip you for it?", Ren asked, taking a coin from his pocket. "Heads, you get to stay here, and I go. Tails, you go and I stay here. Deal?"

Rey sighed and nodded, watching as he flipped the coin up with his thumb.

Tails.

Rey picked up the coin from the floor and handed it back to him, grumbling.

She pulled her hood over her head and turned to leave, saying jokingly over her shoulder, "That's fine; Hux likes me better, anyway."

Ren smiled as he watched her go, agreeing with her assessment completely.

Ren was happy, and in a way, relieved, that Rey finally seemed to be coming into her own in The First Order.

Snoke apparently thought so, too. He had in effect replaced Ren with Rey for his so-called "diplomatic" missions, a switch that Ren did not mind in the least.

Snoke's allies and confidantes reacted better, RESPONDED better to Rey, than they did Ren. She had a natural charisma that drew people in, and a compelling manner of speaking that made everyone in a room sit up and take notice of what she was saying.

Ren preferred fighting to talking, and was therefore glad that Snoke had in effect removed him from these meetings and left him solely to raids, and interrogations.

Which was not to say that Rey wasn't also efficient in that domain. On the few times she had been sent to accompany Ren on these bloody jaunts, she was an impressively proficient assassin.   
She was calm, controlled and precise, having gotten quite skilled in combat and her own lightsaber capabilities.

Snoke was beyond pleased that he now had two extraordinarily talented force users at his side, to do his bidding. In regards to Rey, Ren could sense that his master's feelings towards the girl had evolved to an almost familial tone.

He never said this out loud, to Rey OR to Ren, but it was there in his feelings just the same: he had begun to see this young woman as being, well, almost like a daughter.

Ren sensed this, but he never told Rey of what he had intuited from their Master.

Most likely, she already knew.

And for that, Ren was glad, as well. He knew that Rey still had lingering pain over being abandoned by her own family so long ago, on Jakku. He was happy that she was finding that sense of familiarity, of belonging, here.

Of course, there was a flip side to his happiness.

Although it wouldn't appear this way to someone on the outside, Ren was mentally exhausted trying to push back his growing feelings for the girl. 

Ever since the night they had held each other in the freezing cold of Korriban, and subsequently the way she had cradled him after learning of his mother's passing, he had not been able to banish thoughts of her from his head.

The urge to reach out and touch her was so strong sometimes that he almost felt sick with it. Against his will, fantasies of the two of them together often sprung up in his head, before he could control it.

Of them hugging.  
Kissing.

Doing--other things.

At times like this he had to scold himself in his mind, to ask himself if he was a teenager again, or a grown man.

But that was the problem.

She made him FEEL like a young man, even though he was well into his 30's.

With her, in her presence, he felt alive in a way that he hadn't been alive in a great many years.

He wasn't completely sure if the attraction was at all mutual, although he didn't think it was. He controlled himself around her, both in public and in private, and retained the cheerful bantering that had always existed between them.

Still, he knew that Rey was astute in reading other people, and there was a good chance that she could feel the urges and desires he had bubbling just underneath his surface for her.

But if she knew, she never said anything.

As it was, it was almost impossible for Ren to read HER, in the same way that he read others. She had quite a strong mental shield around her at all times, and when he could break through the barrier, her thoughts and feelings were primarily focused on whatever task was immediately at hand.

He still didn't give up hope, though, that someday those feelings could change in his favor.

One afternoon, on the sunny day of the week, Ren had walked outside to find Rey. She hadn't been in her quarters, and Ren wanted to see if she wanted to take advantage of the sunlight to meditate with him by the courtyard.

He walked the grounds, eyes searching everywhere until he saw a small figure in a black tunic, with a discarded cloak next to her, and a variety of small digging tools. She was in a small patch of dirt that was laying in the sunshine close to the building wall.

She was on her hands and knees, her exposed skin glistening with sweat and streaked with dirt.

She was so preoccupied that she didn't see Ren walk up behind her, and didn't realize he was there until he reached out and tapped her on the shoulder.

She jumped a little bit, before whirling around to face him. Her eyes were bright and her face a lovely pink, flushed from the sun and from physical activity.

"Sorry," he muttered, unable to help grinning, "I didn't mean to scare you. What are you doing?"

"I'm planting a garden," she replied, wiping her hand across her forehead.

"A . . . garden?"

"Yes, a garden. Surely you've heard of them before?", she teased, looking up at him. She had to squint as she did so; the sun was directly overhead now, and piercing into her eyes.

"Did you . . . "

"Yes I asked Snoke if it was okay, first. He said it was fine, so long as it was far away from where General Hux's troops did their training."

Ren crouched down, watching with interest as Rey sifted through the dirt and dropped tiny seeds into the holes she made.

"What are you planting?"

She covered the seeds with a tiny bit of dirt, and moved on to the next hole, repeating the process.

"Ilum flowers. They're supposed to do well in chilly weather and very little sunlight. I've seen pictures of when they're in full bloom; they're about as tall as me, with a hundred different multi-colored blooms from the root to the head."

Ren nodded thoughtfully, watching her. After a moment he lowered himself to his knees, picking up one of the small tools.

"Can I help?"

Rey smiled, straightening up and placing the small basket of seeds between them.

"Be my guest."

The two worked quietly for a while, marking out rows with the edge of the trowels, then moving on their knees up and down the lines and dropping in the tiny seeds.

Eventually, General Hux came around the corner, with one of his officers. He stopped short at the sight of Ren and Rey digging in the earth, a confused look on his face.

"That's funny," he said as he came near, his head tilted. "I don't remember signing off on anything like this, today."

Ren scowled up at him, and was about to tell him to back off and mind his own business, when Rey intervened.

"I'm sorry, General; I spoke to Snoke and he gave me an approval. I meant to consult with you as well, but --"

"--but Snoke already told her she could, so, you can take that look off your face and leave us, Hux," Ren finished for her, glaring defiantly at the General.

Hux shook his head a little, and sighed. "So aggressive," he said to Ren. "Why can't you be polite, like her?"

Rey smiled at the compliment, and went back to digging. After a tense moment, Ren did the same.

Hux continued to watch them for a few minutes, then he turned to his Officer.

"Partoi, tell the others that I'm pushing the meeting back by one hour. Dismiss."

The officer saluted Hux and went about his way.

Hux watched him go, then looked around to make sure no one was watching. Satisfied that they were alone, he took off his greatcoat and folded it neatly, laying it some feet away on the ground.

He then knelt down beside Rey, taking the small trowel out of her hand.

"If you're planting those, they need to be spaced out a little more, so that the roots don't tangle into each other when they grow. Here, let me show you."

He proceeded to dig up the earth in much wider increments, talking softly to Rey and Ren about what he was doing, and why.

"I wasn't aware you knew how to make things grow, Hux," Ren said to him, unable to help smiling a little.

"I wasn't aware that YOU could be out in direct sunlight without melting, Ren. Your skin is so damned pale it's like seeing a ghost."

Ren glanced up at him. "You're not really one to talk. Have you seen yourself, lately?"

"At least I don't have your idiotic face."

"At least I don't have that stupid red hair."

Rey began to laugh from her spot between them, raising up on her knees and pointing to herself.

"I'd say I've got you both beat, actually. On the pale skin front, that is. Now stop fighting and help me please."

Ren and Hux both chuckled, and went back to their planting.

The three worked peaceably together for the rest of the afternoon.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey woke up one morning to a clamor of people bustling in the hallways outside her quarters, shouting orders and scurrying in and out of the empty rooms situated further down the hall.

She pulled her cloak around herself and stepped outside her doors.

"Excuse me," she said to a maintenance worker that was carrying a set of clean linens, "What's all the commotion for?"

The man stopped and explained to her that the First Order had just received word that an important group was coming back home earlier than expected, and everyone was rushing to get their quarters ready before they arrived .

"Who is it?"

"The Knights of Ren, ma'am," the man told her, before continuing on his way.

Rey thought about that, interested.

Kylo had told her multiple times about the small group of darkside Force users that he was the leader of, and the various missions that Snoke sent them on across the span of the galaxy.

These men had been students, alongside Kylo himself, at the Jedi academy of Luke Skywalker. They had joined Kylo in destroying the temple and driving Skywalker into exhile. 

Snoke had kept them deployed for almost an entire year. Some of them held leadership command over small organizations that Snoke had in other systems, some were kept traveling, looking for any and all clues or leads that might bring them to Skywalker.

They were all coming home now, for about a month, before being sent out on different missions/assignments. Hence the frantic rush to prepare quarters for them.

There were five of them, Kylo making six. 

Rey went back to her room, lighting a stick of incense and sitting cross-legged on the wooden floor by the window. The bright artificial light from the training grounds shone down on her, the smoke wrapping in a delicate haze around her head.

She tried to engage in some form of meditation every morning, to center herself and clear her head for the upcoming day. It wasn't an easy thing for her, as focusing was the thing with which she had the most problems, but she did try.

She was about 15 minutes into this, when a voice spoke in the very back of her mind.

May I come in?

It was Kylo, of course. 

Lately he had been practicing communicating with her through their minds, which Rey actually liked, a little. There was something private about that, something intimate about not having to speak out loud to talk with one another.

Come in, she responded, keeping her eyes closed as he entered the room.

She focused on his energy, the bright red haze that surrounded his lifeform, as he walked across the room and sat down beside her on the floor.

He was silent for a few minutes, then he spoke into her mind again, softly.

Have you heard the news?

That your Knights are coming home for a while? I have. That'll be nice for you, to have people to talk to who are like equals.

Rey could feel him frown.

Equals? I'm talking to someone right now who's my 'equal'.

Rey opened her eyes and looked at him, smiling a little.

Oh, you know what I mean. They more closely match your abilities than I do. I still feel like a padawan, compared to you.

You're still learning, yes. But you're far beyond the level of padawan. I can't wait for them to meet you.

"Meet me?", she said out loud, tilting her head. "Why would they be interested in meeting me? I'm just some scavenger girl that you taught to use a lightsaber."

"You don't see things very clearly, Rey," he answered, also out loud, as he shook his head. 

"Neither do YOU."

-.-.-.-

They arrived about two days later, in the early evening. Ren and Rey went to greet them in the ship holding area.

Rey stood off to the side and watched as each one greeted Ren, bowing their head before embracing him.

Kylo introduced each one separately to Rey, and all of them were quite taken with the pretty, talented girl.

Rey liked them, too.

They had been away from their leader for so long that hung about him constantly, all talking at once, over each other, as they told him of their various missions across the galaxy, and listened to tales of his own exploits.

Upon seeing them for the first time, Rey was a little shocked, at how young they seemed. 

She herself was in her early 20's, and the look and mannerisms of these men would indicate that they were around the same age as HER. However, this wasn't the case, as they were all actually closer in age to Kylo, who was in his early 30's.

Kylo, while he did LOOK young, did not exhibit any of the youthful mannerisms that his knights did, thereby making him seem worlds older than the group. There was an almost regal bearing that he possessed, a powerful, serious gravity that made him stand out in clear contrast as the leader.

There was Tanneth Ren, a slender freckled man with huge hands and a boyish smile. He was the youngest of the group by more than 2 years, and seemed more of an observer than anything else.

There was Maxus Ren, a somewhat shy, intelligent young man who spoke with an accent and seemed to always think very carefully before saying anything.

Johamn Ren was boisterous and loud, and extremely friendly towards Rey. Rather than the handshake that the others offered, he hugged her, actually lifting her off her feet, much to her amusement.

Scarti and Izar Ren were brothers, about a year apart from each other. Aside from Ren, they were the most talented in the group, and certainly calmest.

In their presence, Rey saw Kylo take on an impressive leadership role, more so than the one he seemed to be afraid to take with her. And they revered him, idolized him, almost worshiped him.

Rey watched as Kylo led them all off to Snoke, smiling at how genuinely happy they seemed to be, in Kylo's presence.

This will be a good month for him, she thought to herself.

-.-.-.-

Ren came to her quarters about one week later, looking nervous. Rey let him in and he sat on her sofa, fidgeting.

"So, I just got back from Snoke's chambers."

"Yes?"

"He, uh, we had a long discussion. About you, actually."

"About me?", Rey exclaimed in surprise, sitting up. "Oh, Maker, have I done something? Something wrong?"

Kylo shook his head.

"No, no, it's nothing like that. It's just, well, it's just--"

"Kylo, you're scaring me. What IS it?!"

"Snoke thinks I should make you a Knight of Ren. Officially."

Rey sat in a stunned silence, her mind reeling. That Snoke would think her worthy enough to be a part of such a powerful group . . . 

"But he also said that its entirely up to you," Kylo continued in a rush, looking at her. "If this is something you didn't want, I'd understand completely."

She looked at him and raised an eyebrow, confused.

"Why wouldn't I want something like this?"

"Rey, do you realize the kind of pain you're in for?"

"What do you mean, pain?"

Kylo explained the ritual of knighthood to her. Each of his knights would take their lightsaber and cut one small line down her back, from just below the neck to the bottom of the shoulder blades. Each line would be cut during a single line recitation of the Sith code.

He turned around and pulled down his robe and tunic, showing her his own set of lines carved into his skin.

"And you can't heal yourself, afterwards. You have to let it bleed out on its own, and remain there as an imprint of scars, like these. And you can't go into a Bacta tank."

Rey nodded, her gaze unwavering.

"I understand. This is something I want, Kylo. Unless, YOU don't think that I'm up to the caliber of your men?"

He shook his head vigorously. 

"No, no, it's not that. It's just . . ."

"It's just WHAT?!", she yelled at him, her hands on her hips. "You have yet to give me a decent, real reason."

"It's just, the pain. I don't like to think of you being in any pain."

She tilted her head, looking at him with a deep frown.

"Kylo, let me ask you something: did you express this same level of concern, for any of your other knights?"

"Well, no, but--", he began reluctantly.

"So I should be no different."

Now she folded her arms across her chest, glaring at him angrily.

"If there's a real, solid reason behind why you're dragging your feet on this, or if any of your other men have a problem with me joining them, then TELL ME that. But I'm not going to let you discriminate against me just because I'm a woman."

"Your being a female has nothing to do with this. Neither do my men; in fact, several of them have been asking me why I haven't initiated you yet."

"Good. Then its settled. Tell me the time and the place, and let's do this."

Ren sighed. He looked like he wanted to argue further, but was holding himself back. 

"Tomorrow, in the stone temple that Snoke uses to meditate in?"

"Tomorrow," she repeated, with a smile on her face.

-.-.-.-

Tomorrow came, and Rey found herself a bit nervous.

The stone temple had been lit with candles all around, and the sweet smell of incense floated throughout the room. 

The men had all gathered as they waited for Kylo to bring Rey in, talking amongst themselves quietly.

Finally Kylo guided her in, and the others quieted down at once, as the ritual began.

Kylo spoke for a long time, about what it meant to be a Knight of Ren, the level of dedication and commitment that it took, the perseverance. 

Rey listened solemnly, her eyes never leaving Kylo's face as he spoke into the quiet.

Finally, Kylo turned around, and spoke to each individual man. 

He asked each one, "Are you ready to accept this woman as a fellow knight, a comrade in arms, an ally in the magnificent realm of the Dark Side?"

Each one answered "Yes" firmly, nodding, their eyes on Rey.

Normally, the ritual would demand that the inductee be totally shirtless. However, unanimous consensus among the men was that this would be inappropriate for Rey, and she was permitted to wear a binding around her chest.

She turned her back to them and peeled off her robe, dropping it to the ground.

Tanneth Ren stepped up first, igniting his blade and holding it to Rey's bare back.

Rey took a deep breath and held it, as she felt the fire sear into her.

"Peace is a lie; there is only passion."

"Through passion, I gain strength."

"Through strength, I gain power."

"Through power, I gain victory."

"Through victory, my chains are broken."

Each individual knight cut one line down her back as they recited their piece of the Sith code. 

Towards the end, Rey felt tears struggling to get out from her eyes, and it was only with a super human effort that she was able to hold them back. She also felt quite shaky on her feet, as if she would faint soon; but this, too, she managed to repress.

Ren came last, and even turned around, Rey could feel how he was struggling with himself, how difficult it was for him to do this.

She heard the low intake of air as he took a deep breath, and the growling of his saber as he switched it on.

"The Force shall free me."

After he cut his line into her, she slowly managed to turn around and face them.

The look on the faces of the other knights held a deep admiration, and respect, for her. They had had their doubts about her being able to withstand the pain, and were thoroughly impressed with her toughness.

But she didn't see their faces.

All she saw was Ren's.

He looked as though he were on the brink of being physically ill, and his skin had gone paler than normal.

He was looking at her now with an almost pleading look on his face, as if awaiting permission to go on with the final part of this ritual.

She nodded, managing a small smile for him in spite of the pain. Then she knelt in front of him, ignoring the excruciating pain that the movement caused as she went to one knee and bowed her head.

His saber still ignited, Ren slowly tapped each of her shoulders with the burning blade.

"From this day forth, and forevermore, you shall be known to the universe as Rey Ren, Knight of Ren."

And it was over.

The other knights gathered around her in a circle as she shakily stood up, and each took her hand and kissed it, welcoming her to their family, before exiting the room.

She was left alone with Kylo, and he turned towards her, and whispered,

"Let me heal you."

"What? No!", she said, backing away and holding out her arms. "You said part of this was to let it heal on its own. No cheating!"

"I know what I said, Rey, but I can't let you hurt like this. I can't."

She backed away further, until her bare back was against the cold wall. 

"I'm fine, Kylo. Really. I promise."

Blood was leaking in slow straight pools down her back and hitting the floor, etching the stones a deep red.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

She stepped back up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. 

"Thank you so much for this, Kylo. I'm so honored that you feel I'm worthy to be a part of this group. It's almost--it's almost like having my family come back."

He smiled and took her hand, kissing it like his knights had done. 

There was one brief moment, one teeny tiny second of time, where he had to fight himself, to not lean in and kiss her lips.

A small moment, but powerful nonetheless.

He closed his eyes briefly and cleared his head, before going to pick her discarded robe off the floor. He wrapped it around her, gently, being as careful as he could not to touch it to her bleeding skin.

Come on, he said in his mind, holding out his arms. I'm going to carry you back to your room. 

Did you carry any of the other knights to their room, after their initiation?

Well, no; but I won't tell if you won't.

Agreed, she said, laughing out loud as he picked her up and carried her off through the night.


	7. Chapter 7

The month passed by quickly, and before Ren knew it, a mere week stood between him and his knights leaving again, to be sent on new assignments by Snoke.

He had enjoyed this time with his men, and the brotherly camaraderie that he felt in their presence.

He also enjoyed seeing the way Rey so easily fit into the group, and how openly accepted she was among the others.

Her wounds had healed nicely, leaving the sharp set of lines down her back that defined their circle. 

They often wanted her to lightsaber spar and physically train with them, despite Kylo's dislike for the idea. He had taken them aside and warned them to take it easy on her; however, she caught wind of this and got quite angry, insisting that they treat her no differently from anyone else.

So they didn't.

Rey joined them in everything, from lightsaber duels ((which she often won, despite the fact that the men were legitimately fighting against her as hard as they could, holding nothing back)), to eating, to meditation, to their intensive workout routines.

The knights all came to regard her as a little sister, of sorts.

Well, for the most part.

There were a few times, just a handful, but enough, when Kylo had caught the direction of their thoughts as they watched Rey move about with them.

The way beads of sweat ran from her neck down her chest, while sweating when they worked out.

The way she bent over to fill her water jug from the stream.

The way the wind streamed her long, pretty hair out behind her in waves.

Little thoughts, little moments of time when they were overcome with the overwhelming aspects of her beauty, and couldn't help staring. Just a little bit, just a tad too long, until they caught themselves and corrected their minds.

Kylo thought often about lecturing them on being more in control of their base instincts, but in the end decided it would be futile, for two reasons.

The first reason was that, they had not once acted on these thoughts. So long as they stayed in the mind and never manifested into a physical reality, Kylo really couldn't fault them for it. Knights of Ren or not, they were also MEN.

The second reason was that his own thoughts weren't any better. 

Worse, probably.

There had been one particularly embarrassing moment, about a week back. It was on the sunny day of the week, and he and the group had been coming back from a strenuous hike up a very steep-sloped mountain.

They were coming back and were ragged, sweaty and disheveled. Scarti spotted a small pond and suggested they all take a moment to wade in, and clean some of the dust and dirt off before they got back to base.

Ren was less dirty than the others, so he sat on a rock and watched them, his mind nowhere in particular--and then his eyes had wandered to Rey.

She had taken off her robe like the others and was waist deep in the clear water, wearing her dark tunic.

She slowly lowered herself completely in until her head was covered, then burst herself back out again, hair dripping, laughing at how cold the water was.

Her tunic had tightened considerably with the water, wrapping snugly around her slender body. The cold made the buds on her chest stand out considerably, clearly outlined against--

And then Kylo looked down at himself and turned a bright red from his face to his chest.

He needed the cold water. Badly.

He walked as discreetly as he could to the opposite end of the pond, quickly lowering himself in and gliding through the cold water until his 'excitement' eased down.

He had been thankful that no one had observed this behavior, or reaction, in him. Thankful and disgusted. For all that he preached about self control, he seemed to have very little of it himself.

At least where Rey was concerned.

He questioned himself about that, a lot. Wondering why he was so attracted to Rey, what it was that drew him to her.

Was it purely physical?

She happened to be a beautiful woman in a place where there just weren't that many women available, period. 

Was it repressed desire?

When he had been studying under his uncle Skywalker at the Jedi academy, it had always been impressed upon him that attachments, romantic conquests were strictly forbidden. He had been taught to snuff out every natural passion that arose in him in regards to the opposite sex, under the guise of it making him stronger, more focused in the end.

It wasn't until he left Luke and that life behind did he have his first sexual encounter with a woman, and by then he was in his mid-20's, awkward and painfully shy due to inexperience.

But he didn't feel like it was so much a physical thing with Rey, as much as an emotional one. 

He felt a bond with her, a strong connection that he couldn't recall ever having felt with anyone else before.

If something happened to him that was good, Rey was the first person he thought about telling.

Likewise, if something bad happened, she was the one he went to for comfort.

She was dedicated to the First Order and to Snoke's darkside philosophy, yes. She was quite powerful with the Force, yes. She was a fiercesome warrior, talented and strong, yes.

But beneath all of that was the vulnerable child who was still sitting in that hut on Jakku, staring out the window and waiting for the family that would never come back.

That experience had taught her survival, and it gave her the anger she needed to fuel her dark energy. 

Yet despite all of this, she still possessed a good heart.

And THIS is what Kylo loved about her.

Her heart.

He only wished he knew how she felt, towards him.

-.-.-.-

"How is that working, thus far? Does she fit into the dynamics of your group?"

It was a few days before his men were to leave, and Snoke had called Kylo into his chambers, to discuss with him ideas about where to send them next. General Hux was also present at this informal meeting, quietly taking notes on his datapad.

Eventually the conversation turned towards Rey, with Snoke inquiring as to how her being a new Knight of Ren was going for her.

Kylo smiled at the question, nodding his head. 

"She MORE than 'fits in', Master. She's an excellent addition to my knights. I have to be honest, I was afraid that I wasn't measuring her progress as a force user clearly enough, as I only had myself to use as a basis for comparison. Seeing how strong she is in regards to the others, well, it puts my mind at ease."

Snoke nodded.

"Excellent. Then my own mind will be at ease when I send her to take command of my post on Yavin."

Kylo's mouth dropped open, shocked.

"Send her away?"

"Yes, my apprentice. I'd like someone to go and oversee operations on Yavin for a few months. From what you've told me, Rey seems more than ready to assume a command of her own, if only for a short time."

Kylo could feel Hux looking at him sideways, but his mind was too befuddled to try and see what Hux was thinking.

"Master--", he began, struggling to find the right words, "I don't feel that that would be a very good idea. She should remain here, at least until she's had another year of training and practice."

"I fail to understand your reluctance in this, Lord Ren. She is one of your knights now, is she not? She is more than ready to take on this responsibility."

Kylo felt himself begin to sweat, trying to hold his panic back.

"Master--", he began, and stopped. He didn't know how to convey what he was feeling, without giving his true motives away.

Beside him, General Hux began to speak.

"Supreme Leader, I think it would be most inopportune for you to send Rey away, or Kylo for that matter. I've found that having two Force users on base has greatly helped me in terms of supervision and commanding responsibilities, and I would hate to lose either one. Especially with the new batch of recruits coming in later this month; I feel I'd be overwhelmed."

Snoke looked at the General thoughtfully, nodding his head. 

"Very well, General. I'll agree with your assessment on this matter. Now, you may both dismiss. Ren, have the rest of your men convene with me this evening in order to discuss their upcoming assignments."

Kylo nodded, and followed Hux out of the room and into the hall.

Once the doors closed behind them, Kylo turned to Hux.

"Why did you say that? Why--why did you help me?"

"What are you taking about, Ren?", Hux asked him, suppressing a smile. "Helping you? I was helping myself. Do you really think I want to be left alone with your surly self if Rey went away?"

Kylo smiled at him.

"Right. Okay. If I didn't loathe every single thing about you, I'd say 'thank you'."

"And if the sight of you didn't make me want to vomit, I'd say 'you're welcome."

They both smiled at each other, for once in complete understanding with one another.

"So, are you ever going to tell her?"

"Tell who, what?"

Hux rolled his eyes, turning and beginning to walk away. 

"You know who," he called over his shoulder, smirking. "And we BOTH know what."

-.-.-.-

"I have something to show you," he told her, grabbing hold of Rey's arm and walking quickly towards his personal ship.

He had just returned from a mission, and he and his men had salvaged something from the wreckage of the village they had destroyed.

He hadn't seen one in ages, not since he was much younger, and he wanted to show Rey and see if she had.

Now he led her on board his ship, his excitement in showing her this rarity almost contagious.

He uncovered it slowly, flinging the dusty tarp from over the object and it's bench.

Before he could say a word, Rey was exclaiming, excitedly, "You've found a piano?!"

"You know what this is?", he asked, slightly disappointed. He had wanted to surprise her with this odd artifact.

She was smiling and nodding, going to sit on the little bench outside.

"When I was very young, there was this cantina where I would help the cook prepare food, to earn a few extra credits every day. After hours, the owners and the barkeep cleaned everything for the night, and the piano player would play requests for them. He used to let me sit on the bench and watch him. He taught me how to play, a little bit."

She ran her fingers gently over the keys, closing her eyes at the long-forgotten sounds from her childhood.

Ren sat down next to her, curious.

Rey smiled at him, and began to play a familiar, upbeat melody, her fingers flying with ease across the keyboard.

Ren grinned, delighted and surprised. The song was familiar to him; it seemed to be very popular in cantinas and diners back when he was a kid, being dragged to these places by his father during their trips together.

When it was over, he applauded her loudly, causing her to blush.

"That was the most common song I heard," she said, stretching a bit. "But I prefer the slower, quieter ones."

Abruptly she began to play a different tune, the room filling with distinctly more subtle, somber, gentle notes.

"On Jakku, this is what's called a 'love song'," she said softly, glancing over at him as she continued to play.

Ren felt mesmerized, watching her fingers move so skillfully over the keys, and the beautiful sounds that were coming from the instrument.

It made him feel something, this song. Some deep, painful longing in his chest that cried out for release with each stroke of the keys. 

He was aware that he was inching closer and closer towards her; aware of it, but unable to stop himself.

He moved his eyes from her fingers to her face, enjoying how peaceful it looked, how focused.

How beautiful.

Without being aware of it, he was leaning in closer to her head, inclining his own head down towards her as she played.

Eventually he rested his head lightly on her shoulder, subtly breathing her in as she continued to play for him.

It was a little odd, at first, having him so physically close; but it was nice. The sensation of his head on her shoulder was sweet, and pleasant. It was as though the melody opened up some channel of vulnerability in him, making him seem almost childlike in his need for comfort.

What was truly surprising was when, out of no where, he leaned up and kissed her cheek. Very softly; but Rey could feel the warmth of it spread all the way to her toes.

It startled her so that she abruptly forgot what piece she was playing, and froze, her hands still positioned over the keys.

He snapped out of his daze and quickly backed away, standing up so quickly he almost knocked her off the bench.

"I'm s-sorry, I, uh, I-I didn't mean to do that," he stuttered out, moving away.

"You look a bit ill. I know my playing is rusty; but I didn't mean to make you sick," she said, teasing him a little to ease some of the tension they both could feel in the air. "Maybe you should sit back down."

He shook his head, backing further away. He bumped into the wall behind him, and grimaced, thoroughly annoyed with himself at how awkward he was being.

"I need to go," he said, habitually straightening his robes. "I have to go report to Snoke. I'll see you later, Rey."

Before he could embarrass himself any further, he turned and strode from the ship , leaving Rey alone with the piano behind him.


	8. Chapter 8

About two weeks later, by complete surprise to everyone, Tanneth Ren came back.

The planet that he had been sent to reside over had been blown to bits by enemy fire, and Tanneth had just barely managed to escape with his life.

He was back now with what intelligence he had regarding the attack, and to strategize with Snoke about where he would best be sent to next.

In the meantime, while he was home, he had plenty of time to rest, to relax . . .

. . . and to get close to Rey.

Apparently he had been harboring the beginning of feelings for the girl since he had left, and now that he was home for awhile, he saw it as the perfect chance to get to know her better in a one on one setting, rather than around the other knights.

He was no fool, though, and knew that Kylo had a strong attachment to this girl. Just HOW strong an attachment, he wasn't fully aware. 

He assumed that Kylo felt the same way about Rey as Snoke did; like a daughter. Tanneth hadn't the slightest inkling of how deeply his Master cared for, desired the spritely knight. 

Therefore he didn't hesitate to ask permission from Kylo to spend some alone time with her, to court her.

Kylo was at a loss for words, when Tanneth first came to him with his request. His immediate thought had been the desire to react violently, and cut Tanneth down with his lightsaber.

His second had been to sigh, and grudgingly give his blessing on the situation. 

Apparently Rey had accepted Tanneth's invitation to dinner on an off base planet, and the two left in the early evening, laughing and chatting all the way to his ship.

Kylo spent the night in agony, and didn't even bother to check in on them when they arrived back.

The next morning, Rey came to see him, alone. 

Rare sunshine flooded the windows, highlighting Kylo's messy quarters.

"Every time I come over here, Kylo, your quarters just get worse and worse," she said, going to pick up a rag from the kitchen and dusting lightly over the entire room.

"You don't need to do that," he told her, getting up to go and look out the window. "That's what the cleaning droids are for."

"Well, they'd probably malfunction if they came in here," she said, continuing to dust. She was teeming over with nervous energy, and needed something to keep her occupied and focused while she was here.

There was silence between them, and then Kylo was asking, quietly, 

"So did you have a good time with Tanneth?"

"I did," she said, sitting down with the rag in her hand. "He's a very nice person," she said with a grin. "Quiet, polite, and funny. Very funny. I like him a lot."

Kylo kept his back turned, looking out the window. He was trying to control his facial expressions before he turned around and let Rey see him. 

If there was a chance she might end up with Tanneth, that she might find happiness with him, he didn't want to stand in the way and block that.

But at the same time, he could just barely hold back the urge to go and find Tanneth and force-choke him until he hit the floor.

The sunshine of the day spread all over the grounds below, making the sparse vegetation come alive in a tiny sea of green. 

Looking to the left, Kylo could see the flowers that he, Rey and Hux had planted so many weeks ago, just beginning to push from the ground. There were a few buds on each stem, and the handful that were open were a variety of beautiful vibrant colors.

He focused on these, and was so focused that he hadn't heard the other thing Rey said to him.

"Pardon?", he asked, keeping his back to her.

"I said, I told him that it wouldn't work out. I'm just not interested in him like that. That all we could ever be was friends, and 'brothers' in arms."

Relief flooded through Kylo, so strongly he had to grab onto the windowsill for support.

"And what did he say to that?"

"He was very understanding about it; he even made a joke about asking out the lady who works in General Hux's office. You know the one, with the yellow hair, that types out all his reports? Her name is Lora?"

Ren nodded, still gazing out the window.

"I promised him that I'd put in a good word for him; remind me to go and see her later, please."

"Why didn't you think that things would work out with Tanneth?", he asked her softly, curious.

She surprised him by asking him a question, something that seemed a bit off-topic for the conversation they were having.

"Kylo, have you ever been in love?"

It took him so off-guard that he wasn't sure what to answer. He turned slowly around and faced her, leaning back against the window.

"Why do you want to know that?", he asked, dodging her inquiry.

"Because--because I think I may be in love with someone, and that's why I can't be with Tanneth. And I wanted to know if what I feel is really love."

Kylo's heart sank at her answer. Of course, she would be in love with someone. She had been here long enough to make friends in multiple departments, and everyone, men and women, were taken with her.

It shouldn't be surprising that she would have found the time to establish a special connection with someone.

And it never crossed his mind that she may be talking about HIM.

Because that would be ridiculous.  
. . . . wouldn't it?

"I don't know, Rey," he said to her, sighing a little. "What is love? It's a different definition for each person, I suppose. You've gotta ask yourself what that word means to you."

Rey bit her lip, contemplating her answer.

"I think--I think it means thinking about the other person all the time. Wanting their smile, craving their laugh. Even liking all the annoying things they do. Being the happiest in the world when they're standing in front of you."

She stepped closer to him, her wide hazel eyes boring into his own.

"Standing in front of you.", she repeated softly, a shy smile dawning on her face.

Kylo's heartbeat sped up, the pulse drumming in his ears. He gulped once, twice, looking down at her. 

It was about to happen. He couldn't control it anymore; he HAD to kiss her.

She didn't move away when he put his hand on her cheek, she didn't move away when he slowly leaned in . . .

. . . and suddenly Kylo's doors opened, and General Hux walked into the room, with two of his officers.

Rey moved away from him immediately, and, red-faced, walked quickly around the men and out the door.

Hux, seemingly seeing nothing odd or intrusive about the situation, came further into the room, a frown on his face.

"Ren. Here you are. You were supposed to be at the meeting 2 hours ago! Snoke told me to come and find you, and brief you on--"

Hux stopped speaking abruptly, noticing the dark look on Ren's face. Ren's eyes were feral, his breathing harsh; he was all but snarling at Hux, like a cornered animal.

Quietly, he dismissed his two Officers, and they gladly hurried away. Ren appeared as though he was gearing up for one of his fits, and Hux knew from experience that they could escalate very quickly.

He also knew that, no matter what, Ren would never kill him, because of fear of retaliation from Snoke. 

But the same could not be said for him killing anyone else--which is what made Hux dismiss his Officers and deal with Ren himself.

By now Ren had turned away from Hux, his entire body vibrating with rage.

"General," he said, just barely holding his voice to a civil tone, "You need to turn around and walk out of here, now."

Hux raised an eyebrow at Ren's words, folding his arms across his chest.

"What's the matter with YOU?", Hux asked him, foolishly coming closer. "Its bad enough I had to take time out of my schedule to come down here and find you myself, but now you're being rude on top of--"

But Hux didn't have a chance to finish that sentence. 

Ren swung around and lobbed his fist directly into the redhead's face,hitting him hard enough so that the force of impact drove him back several feet and unto his back.

The General laid on the floor in a stunned silence for a few moments, before pulling himself to his feet. His nose was bleeding, and he wiped his sleeve across his face.

"What in the hells--"

"YOU KRIFFING IDIOT!" Ren screamed at him, pushing him back into the wall. "Something was finally about to happen with Rey, and you come in here and interrupt it!!"

Hux's eyes grew wide, and he looked guiltily down at his boots.

"Ren, uh, I'm sorry," he said, continuing to wipe blood from his face. "If I had known that, I never would have--", he trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Ren sighed, in control of himself again. He walked into his refresher and and came back with a towel, which he wordlessly handed to Hux.

Hux took it, sitting down in one of Ren's chairs and holding the towel under his nose. 

"Did you really have to hit me?" Hux asked him after awhile, grinning in spite of the pain.

"Yes. Hurry up and stop bleeding and get out of here, before I do it again."

Hux ignored that statement, sitting up further.

"Ren--you and I are going to have a talk. I can't have this going on any longer."

"What?"

"This! You! You moping around here like a lovesick teenager! It's--it's most disorderly, and affecting the morale on this base."

By now the bleeding had stopped, and he laid the red streaked towel down on the armrest.

"You are 32 years old, not 16. You are going to drop this nonsense and act like the leader that I need you to act like. With or without Rey by your side. Do you understand me?"

Ren nodded his head.

"I understand, Ren, that you've lived a very sheltered life in regards to your Jedi training. It occur to me that you don't have much experience with women, if any at all. From an analytical perspective, I can see everything you're doing wrong, and I can tell you how to correct it. Do you want to hear what I have to say?"

Ren nodded again, his eyes on Hux's face.

Hux sighed.

"Snoke isn't paying me enough for this," he muttered to himself.

To Ren, he said,

"Okay, here's the very first thing---"


	9. Chapter 9

After his "pep talk" with Hux, Kylo Ren felt more than ready to talk to Rey.

He left his room and walked quickly down the hallway to her quarters, wanting to confront her before his surge of confidence left him.

Or before he lost his nerve.

He reached her doors and knocked softly.

No answer.

He knocked loudly, and louder still, until he was all but breaking down the door.

"Rey! Are you home? I need to talk to you!", he exclaimed, as he continued to pound.

A stormtrooper guard came around the corner, and cleared his threat before saying timidly to Ren,

"Lord Ren, if you are looking for Commander Rey, she went to see Snoke about an hour ago."

He nodded at the guard, and turned and marched down the hall to Snoke's chambers as quickly as he could.

When he got there, and pushed open the heavy doors, he saw immediately that Rey was not there. But she obviously had been; her light pleasant scent lingered in all corners of Snoke's otherwise depressing room.

"Ah. Kylo Ren. I was just about to summon you. General Hux and Tanneth Ren are already on their way. I want to discuss with you all the new training procedure for Squads 101-112. I want to be sure the three of you understand the differences, and what you need to do as Commander to ensure a smooth transition."

Ren looked at him, confused.

"Excuse me, Master, but why is Tanneth coming? Isn't he leaving for Felucia later today? Rey should be present, she oversees Squads 110 to 112."

Snoke shook his head, busily shifting through the papers on his lap. "Tanneth's mission details have changed. I'm keeping him here, and sending Rey in his place to Felucia."

"You--you're sending her away?", he asked in disbelief. 

"I did not send her away; she requested to go in place of Tanneth . I granted her permission. It is but a month-long mission, long enough to test her leadership capabilities at the least. She will help Admiral Vetti establish this new small base, then return. From there it will be up to her to decide whether she wishes to resume her duties here, or be sent elsewhere."

Ren was at a loss for words, standing there in front of Snoke. 

She--she REQUESTED to go? 

Why?

He could feel that Hux and Tanneth had come up behind him, but he was too far gone to turn around and acknowledge them.

Snoke noticed his apprentice's inner turmoil, and said to him, lightly, "You have no cause to be worried. This is the true test of any Master; to see whether his pupil is capable of surviving without him. You have done remarkably well on your own, as have your knights. Rey is no different."

Ren nodded, closing his eyes briefly against the flood of feelings that emerged from his mind. 

Snoke was assuming that Kylo was upset because he wasn't sure if Rey was READY to be on her own. 

This wasn't the case at all.

He KNEW that she was more than capable, and ready, to take a leadership command without his help or guidance.

But he didn't want to let her go.

He couldn't help feeling (and he wasn't totally wrong) that her sudden desire to leave had a lot to do with him, and their failed attempt at a kiss.

When Hux had burst in on them, she had looked more than embarrassed, when she left.

She had almost seemed--afraid.

But afraid of what, exactly, Ren was unsure.

He listened as attentively as he could, as Snoke held conference with the three of them about the changes to their commands, but in reality his mind was elsewhere.

As soon as Snoke dismissed them, he all but ran down the halls to Rey's quarters. He stood outside the door for what seemed like an eternity, trying to get up his nerve to knock and go in, when a voice spoke softly in the back of his mind.

I know you're out there, Kylo. The doors unlocked, you can come in.

He entered sheepishly, looking around the dim quarters until he spotted Rey, moving back and forth in her bedroom. He walked up slowly and leaned against the doorframe, watching her as she pulled clothes out of her closet and laid them on the bed.

So I take it you've heard about my new assignment?, she asked into his mind.

I have. This will be a great opportunity for you.

She continued to pack, not looking at him as she folded clothes neatly into a satchel.

I heard that Felucia is a beautiful planet. Lots of sunlight, lots of green.

Ren nodded, biting on his lower lip.

I hope Tanneth isn't too upset with me; I know that this was supposed to be his next assignment.

No, he understands. In fact he's quite happy that he gets to stay here just that much longer. He enjoys all this darkness; says it helps him sleep.

It'll only be for a month, she repeated Snoke's words, straightening up. Just enough time to get things settled and the Commander into a set routine.

Ren came further into her room, sitting at the edge of her bed. After a moment, she sat down next to him.

"Do you feel I'm ready for this?", she asked him out loud, looking down at her hands folded in her lap.

"You've been ready for this, Rey. You're strong, and smart, and talented. And I've met Admiral Vetti a few times before; she's a nice lady. Maybe a bit too nice; you'll need to work with her, to get her to understand that being a leader doesn't mean being everyone's friend. It means having the gumption and the discipline to make things happen, by any means necessary."

"I'm sure I can help her. I had the best teacher, after all," she said, smiling up at him.

He looked at her, then away.

"I want to ask you something, Rey, and I want you to be completely honest with me. Even if you think that what you say will hurt me."

"Yes?"

Ren took a deep breath, then looked directly at her, and asked,

"Your leaving; does it have anything to do with me? With, uh, with what happened in my room?"

Her face turned red, and she rubbed the back of her neck lightly.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Rey. That wasn't my intention. But I want you to understand, why I did that. I--I NEED to tell you, that--"

Rey held out her hand, stopping him from speaking any further.

They sat in silence for a few moments, before Rey began to speak again.

"I've told you the story of how my parents left me on Jakku, right?"

He nodded.

"I don't think I've eve told you what they SAID, right before they took off. My mother was holding me and my father was walking up with Unkar Plutt, the man who I'd end up working for, scavaging parts for his metal business."

"My mother kissed me, and she was crying. She said, 'Don't worry, Rey; daddy and I have to go away for awhile, but we'll be back. I promise, we'll be back. I love you."

She shook her head, smiling bitterly at the painful memory.

"'I promise--I love you'. But they never came back. I waited and hoped and dreamed for years that they'd come back for me, but they never did."

"I loved my parents so much, Ren. They were my world. When they left me, I didn't know how to move forward. I had to learn to think, to act, to survive all on my own. And I often thought that, if my attachment to them hadn't been so strong, if--well, it wouldn't have hurt so badly."

She stood up now, looking down at Ren. 

"I can't let myself care that much about somebody again. I can't. Because if that somebody were to leave, I couldn't handle that pain a second time."

She had begun to cry, tears streaming down her face and lingering on her cheeks.

Ren stood up and grabbed Rey's hands, forcing her to look at him.

"Rey, I know you've been hurt, I know you know what true pain is. But I would never hurt you, and I would never leave. I can't let you go away without saying this, or it will haunt all my dreams. Rey, I lo--"

She suddenly flung herself up and into him, her mouth finding his, as she kissed him.

A kiss.

A kiss.

He reached out timidly to touch her face, wiping away her stray tears with his fingertips. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him in closer, completely giving way to the sweetness of the moment, of his full soft lips moving so skillfully around her own. His hands wove tightly around her waist, holding her firmly to him.

He could hear it, faintly, in the back of his mind.

The walls.

The walls that he had spent the last ten years building around his soul, hiding it from the consequences of his actions, from pain, from love.

They had already begun to crack, when he met Rey.

With this kiss, they shattered completely, leaving a pile of stone and ash where once these great guardians stood, protecting him from all outside influences.

Crumbling into the dirt, one by one by one.

And then she abruptly stopped, breaking the kiss and pulling away from him.

He was about to lean in and kiss her again, when she turned her head away, removing his arms from her waist and stepping back.

"I can't let this happen," she mumbled, mostly to herself. "I'm sorry."

She walked out of the room and to her front door, holding it open. 

"I'll see you in a month, Kylo," she said, not able to look at him as he slowly walked towards her, and out the door.

They stood looking at each other for what seemed like a lifetime, before Rey gently closed the door in his face.

-.-.-.-

He stood in the shadows of the ship hangar and watched as she boarded her ship, along with a pilot. 

The taste of her was still on his mouth, her scent still lingering in his mind.

He briefly closed his eyes as he felt the rush of heat from the exhaust ports as the ship lifted off, and watched as it sped off into the night.

A month.

Just a month.

And then--what?, he asked himself, beginning to shiver in the open air of the hangar.

Even when she comes back, she doesn't want to be with you. She's made that fairly clear.

No, she hasn't. She's just afraid. She never would have kissed you, if she didn't believe there was some small hope that you could be together.

Hope.

Well, Kylo, you've got to prove her wrong, in thinking that you'd hurt her. You've got to show her that she means everything to you, and you're willing to do anything to prove that.

How?

We've got a month, right? We'll figure out something.

I hope so, he answered himself, as he turned and walked back towards the base.

I truly hope so.


	10. Chapter 10

For the next two weeks after Rey's departure, Kylo Ren was relentless in his pursuit of her.

Every day he sent her holos, datapad messages, flowers, and anything else he could think of, in order to try and win her affection.

Every day, she responded to him and asked him to please leave her alone.

It got to the point where he was becoming obsessed over his daily, mostly one sided correspondence with her, turning up late or not at all to meetings and drills, and leaving more and more of his duties to Tanneth Ren.

At the beginning of the third week of her absence, he had a bit of a mental breakthrough in regards to his increasingly desperate attempts at communication.

Or perhaps the word was, breakDOWN.

He refrained from contacting Rey any further, instead throwing himself as hard as he could back into his command, and his responsibilities.

The General was grateful for this change in attitude, as now Ren was finally putting effort into his work again.

Snoke had gone away a few days ago, on his yearly "vacation" to see his allies in the Webuxion system. The journey was quite long, and Snoke would be away for at least a month, leaving General Hux and Kylo Ren in control while he was gone. With the added responsibilities, Hux was pleased to have Ren functioning at 100% again.

Tanneth Ren was not so pleased.

He could sense how hard his Master, his brother, was struggling to keep his depression at bay, to keep it from completely overwhelming him.

He was even more worried when, at a meeting, Hux informed them that Rey's mission had been extended an extra couple of weeks, and Ren didn't react to the news at all, outwardly or internally.

One day, Tanneth convinced Ren to meditate with him in this new little spot he had found at the edge of the base, a clearing surrounded by tall trees and ancient colorful stones.

When they had finished, they turned to leave, and Ren accidentally scraped his calf against a large, sharp bladed rock.

"Ouch!", he exclaimed, sitting down and pulling up his pant leg to examine it.

Even in the darkness, he could see that the cut was much deeper than he would have thought.

And extremely painful.

Tanneth leaned down close to him, holding his lantern by Ren's leg and shaking his head. 

"That looks bad. You'd better heal yourself, before that gets any worse."

Ren summoned up his energy, and was about to touch his hand to the cut and begin the healing process, when suddenly, he stopped.

"I don't think it's as serious as all that, Tanneth," he said slowly, taking his water jug out of his pack. He splashed some of the liquid over his cut, wincing as the cold penetrated the blood. He then tore a piece off the hem of his robe, binding the strip tightly around the wound and tying it off.

"There. That should be good enough. Let's go."

Tanneth remained silently doubtful all the way back to base, noticing the way Kylo was limping, and the contortion of his face muscles at the pain of walking.

"Master--", he began, timidly putting his hand on Kylo's shoulder, "I'd feel a lot better if you just healed that thing. Or at least went to Med Bay. That type of thing can get bad pretty quickly, if not treated the right way."

"Don't worry about it, Tanneth. I'll be fine. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

Tanneth nodded and turned to go, unable to resist looking back one last time at Kylo before he disappeared into the building.

The next morning, when Ren turned up at the daily meeting, Tanneth was a little shucked at his appearance.

He appeared to be very ill, and he looked as though he had been up all night. He sat quietly through the meeting, calm but seeming as though his mind was miles away from there.

When it was over, all the Officers filed out of the room, leaving Kylo, Tanneth, and Hux alone at the large table.

Ren looked dazed, as if he hadn't even noticed that the meeting was over; and Tanneth was looking at him in concern.

It took Hux a while to look up from  
his papers and notice the unnatural silence of the room, but eventually he did, lifting his head and staring at Kylo.

"What's the matter with YOU?", he asked gruffly. "You're as pale as a sheet."

"I'm fine," Kylo answered in a slow monotone, beginning to rise from his seat. "I'm just a bit tired."

Tanneth turned to Hux, and told him about the injury Kylo had received the previous night, and his failure to treat it.

Now Hux looked at him with concern.

"That sounds dangerous, Ren. Maybe you should let Tanneth take you to Med Bay."

"I'm FINE," Kylo repeated with a snarl. He walked unsteadily towards the door, his limp more pronounced than before.

"You two should work on minding your own business," he growled, before continuing down the hall.

He looked even worse at evening drill, and the next morning, he didn't turn up for the meeting.

After it was over, both Tanneth and Hux went to his quarters, along with two storm troopers, to confront him about receiving medical help.

As they let themselves into Ren's quarters, both were momentarily stunned at what they saw.

-.-.-.-

Kylo laid in his bed, his body a sheet of pure agony.

Pain radiated from his leg and spread out in sharp waves all over his body, immobilizing him. He had tried to eat and drink and found that he couldn't keep anything down, not even the smallest sip of water.

The cut on his leg had turned almost black in color.

It was an infection.

A particularly fast acting one, too, considering he had only gotten cut two days ago.

Wait, WAS it two days?

Time seemed to be moving in slow motion all around him, blurring out images and intensifying sounds until everything seemed like some horrible, lucid nightmare.

He face and body were burning up, but he was freezing, burying himself under every blanket that he could find.

A swirl of faces and voices floated around him in a haze, and he was a bit scared, to realize that he could no longer tell which ones were real, and which were in his head.

He thought he could distinguish the General's rough voice, barking orders for two men to move him to Med Bay. He heard this and he fought hard against it, struggling hard enough as they attempted to lift him so that they were unable to get a hold on him.

"Ren," General Hux growled, leaning over him, "You're very sick. We have to get you to Med Bay, or you're going to die."

A cool hand touched his face, smoothing back his sweaty, matted hair from his forehead. 

"Do you understand what I'm saying to you?", Hux asked him slowly, staring down at him from what seemed like a great height.

"I understand," Kylo answered him, his voice surprisingly clear, and firm, despite the raging pain. "But I'm not going. Just let me die here. Do YOU understand?"

After that, he laid back and closed his eyes, gathering what feeble strength he had left to turn his face towards the wall.

After that, everything took on a rather dreamlike quality in his mind.

-.-.-.-

"Tanneth, HELP HIM!", the General yelled at Tanneth Ren, viciously shoving him towards Kylo's bedside. "Force users know how to heal themselves and others, correct? Heal him!"

Tanneth shook his head, staring down solemnly at his Master. 

"It doesn't work like that. If you're particularly strong with the Force, the way he is, outside influences won't effect you. He has to allow it to work, and he won't. I've already tried. Several times. I'm not strong enough to overpower his will. The only one strong enough to do so would be Snoke himself."

"They're in the outer rim territory," Hux said despondently, looking down at his Datapad. "Even at light speed, they wouldn't make it back here for at least 3 more days. But by then--"

Both of them looked over at Kylo.

He had grown scarily thinner, his sunken eyes bruised crescents in his pale face. He thrashed back and forth, moaning softly, his teeth gritted against the pain. He was conscious but he was delirious, mumbling things to people who weren't there, talking to himself. 

Soberly, Hux continued, "By then he could be dead."

Tanneth put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"General; you can't change fate. If it is his destiny to perish like this, then it will happen. If not, then it won't. We're doing all that we can for him. The rest is up to the Force."

"Oh, fuck the Force!" Hux roared angrily, using one of his newly learned Terran curse words that he had ingratiated into his vocabulary. "I believe in what you can see, can touch. I have to try and save him; even if my attempts are fruitless, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try!"

Tanneth stared at him solemnly, before going back to sit at Ren's bedside, wiping a cool damp cloth over his forehead.

Hux watched him for a few moments longer, before saying, unsteadily, 

"I can't let him die. I can't. I've known him for over a decade; he's been by my side since I came here. For better or for worse--he's my brother."

With that, he turned and strode from the room, fists clenched against the sea of emotion he could feel battering down on him.

Tanneth had said that only Snoke would be strong enough, to heal Kylo against his will.

But was that really true?

He walked into his office and picked up his Datapad, his fingers shaking so hard that he had to try multiple times to type out a legible message.

He sighed as he hit Send, and leaned back in his chair, impatiently awaiting a response.

He had a plan.

-.-.-.-

Kylo woke up, and found himself able to think coherently for the first time in days.

The room was bright, it being the sunny day of the week, and warm.

Much too warm.

He attempted to throw off his covers, when his arm bumped into something solid, next to him in his bed.

He looked down to his left in disbelief.

A small figure was curled up in several blankets, and burrowed against his side.

He touched the person's shoulder, to wake them up.

"Rey?", he said, softly.

She stirred at once, shedding her layers and moving close to him.

She laid her cool hand against both of his cheeks, and then his forehead, giving a visible sigh of relief.

"Your fever is down, thank the Maker," she said, climbing out of bed and going to a small jug on his nightstand. 

She poured him a glass of water, and carried it to him.

"Drink this," she said, handing him the cool glass.

He drank obediently, his parched throat rejoicing at the coldness.

Still feeling weak, he laid back down on his side, facing her.

"What are you doing here, Rey?"

"Hux summoned me back," she said, looking down at the floor. "Tanneth has gone to take my place."

"You came all the way back here--for me? Why?"

"Why? WHY?! Because you almost died, THAT'S why!" she said angrily. "Hux told me that you wouldn't let them take you to Med Bay, and you wouldn't let Tanneth heal you."

Kylo frowned, confused.

"If Tanneth didn't heal me, then how--"

"I did, you idiot! I was able to do it, because it turns out I'm stronger than you."

"Well, that's no surprise," Kylo muttered, rubbing his temples with his long fingers. "But why would you bother to--"

"Why would I BOTHER?", she interrupted him, glaring down at him angrily. "Because I LOVE YOU, you absolute moron!"

She was crying now, her shoulders heaving as she turned away from him.

"I love you," she repeated softly, "And I couldn't just let you die."

The impact, the truth of her words hit him hard, like a sledgehammer. He was thankful he was already laying down; if he hadn't been, he probably would have fainted.

Now she whirled around to face him, her hands on her hips.

"Maybe I'm a fool, though. What kind of woman falls in love with a liar?"

Kylo raised himself up into a sitting position, staring at her incredulously.

"Liar? When have I ever lied to you, Rey? I told you that I loved you, and I meant it. That was never a lie!"

"No? What about, 'I'll never leave you; I'd never hurt you'?"

She came and sat by his side now, her hands shaking as she touched his face.

"What do you call trying to die?", she asked him softly, tears blurring her vision. "You don't call that leaving me? You don't call that HURTING me? Do you have any idea how badly that would hurt me, if you left me like that?"

Kylo wiped away her tears, blinking rapidly in a failed attempt to hold back his own.

"I do, actually. When you left for Felucia, after telling me that you didn't want anything to exist between us. I couldn't live in that world, Rey. I wouldn't want to."

Now he leaned closer, cradling her face gently.

"Any life without you is no life at all."

He kissed her, hoping against hope that this time she wouldn't leave, wouldn't pull away from him.

She didn't.

Eventually they broke apart, smiling at each other.

"Kylo, if you ever try and pull anything like this again, ever--I'll kill you myself. Do you understand me?"

He grinned, then nodded.

"I do."

-.-.-

About an hour passed, and Rey had helped Kylo to dress himself and walk around his room a little, despite her protests that it was too soon for him to be moving around.

"I'm fine," he insisted, even as he had to stop and lean against the wall several times to rest and catch his breath.

"Please, take me to see General Hux. I have to speak to him."

"Kylo, I don't think that's a good idea. If you want the General, I'll send for him to come here. But I don't think that you--"

He stopped her by kissing her, backing her into the corner and holding her hostage with his lips.

"I love you, Rey. I don't think I could ever get tired of saying that, or if doing THIS," he grinned, as he kissed her yet again.

She laughed a little, playfully pushing him off.

"Okay, okay; I guess if you're well enough to do all this, we can take a little walk to find the General."

They left his quarters and strolled down the long hallways to Hux's office, where they were lucky enough to find him alone.

They walked in, Kylo leaning against Rey for support. 

Hux looked up from his paperwork as they entered, and was unable to hide the wide, almost childlike smile that spread over his face as he saw Ren, back on his feet.

He quickly cleared his face and put on his usual gruff expression, coming out from behind his chair and standing in front of the two of them, leaning against his desk as he looked Ren over.

"Well, well, back on your feet, I see," he said, folding his arms over his chest. "It's about time. I have a load of paperwork here that you need to catch up on, and later I need to brief you on all the meetings you missed, and then--"

"Alright, alright, General," Ren said, shaking his head. "Wait until I'm a little better before you bombard me with all that stuff, okay?"

"Fair enough," Hux replied, unable to suppress a smirk. "Glad to see that your illness did nothing to hinder your deplorable work ethic, or your repugnant personality."

Ren laughed out loud at this.

"Anyway, I just wanted to come by and let you know that I'm back, more or less. I'll come by tomorrow for that paperwork, alright?"

Hux nodded, watching as Ren turned to go. He and Rey got halfway to the door before Ren turned around, with a smirk, and said,

"By the way, Hux--was I dreaming, or did I actually hear you say that I was like your brother?" 

Hux scowled, shaking his head and looking away. 

"You must have dreamt that, Ren. Why would I say something like that? I hate you, you know."

"I know," Ren replied, momentarily shaking off Rey's support and taking a few staggering steps back towards the General. He hesitated, then wrapped his arms around the surprised man in a brief, warm hug.

"I hate you, too."

Hux blushed, and gruffly cleared his throat.

"Yes, well--"

He turned to Rey with a small smile on his face.

"Get this idiot back into bed, please. He's obviously still feeling delusional."

-.-.-

They arrived back at Kylo's room, with Rey firmly insisting that he get back into bed and sleep a while.

He climbed into his bed hesitantly, not taking his eyes from her face.

"I feel like this is all just a dream, he said shakily, as he gazed at her. "Like I'll go to sleep, and wake up, and you won't be here."

She sighed, shaking her head. 

"You need your rest, Kylo."

Softly, she leaned over him, and pressed her lips into his, holding his cheeks between her tiny hands. 

"There. THAT'S real. I love you, and that's real."

She grabbed one of his books from the shelf, and climbed into the bed next to him.

"I'll stay right here beside you, until you wake up. I promise."

"Say it again. Please."

She leaned close and kissed him again, this time with an intensity that he could feel all the way to his toes. 

"I love you," she whispered, as she adjusted his covers around him. Once he was settled she picked up the book and opened it to the first page.

"Now, get some rest."

She began to read, and he closed his eyes, still a bit uneasy.

Still unable to convince himself that this wasn't just an elaborate dream.

And then Rey reached out and grasped his hand, holding it tightly, her thumb rubbing slow, reassuring circles over his fingers.

He squeezed her hand back, keeping his eyes closed as he listened to the steady hum of her breathing, and the light riffle of her turning the pages of the book.

She was here with him, now.

And she would still be there when he woke up.

So he closed his eyes and drifted into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
